


Stars shining bright above you

by einspunkteins



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Archery, Bathing/Washing, Betazoid, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Dreams, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Femslash, Friends to Lovers, General Riker-Bashing, Guinan the matchmaker, Holodecks/Holosuites, Mind/Mood Altering Substances, Morning Sex, No Lesbians Die, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Oral Sex, Poker, Romance, Slow Burn, serious cuddling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:14:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25667263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/einspunkteins/pseuds/einspunkteins
Summary: A close friendship grows into something more and develops into a steady relationship. Starts towards the end of season 5. Slow burn, fluffy romance, then gets quite sexy in some places, hence the explicit rating. Tiniest bit of background DaForge, but that's canon anyway, right?I try to update weekly-ish. Tags will be adjusted with each new chapter.
Relationships: Beverly Crusher/Deanna Troi, Data/Geordi La Forge (background)
Comments: 90
Kudos: 78





	1. Setting the stage

“Beverly –” _oh, Beverly, why do you always find it so difficult to ask for what you need? It’s only human to crave another person’s touch, to long for an embrace_ – “would you like me to stay over?”

Beverly looks up with a sudden vulnerability showing through the dried tears on her cheeks. Even when she hears the words spoken out loud, she struggles to say yes, and Deanna can’t understand why. “I think I would like that. Thank you,” Beverly finally admits. The ‘thank you’, they know both, isn’t for the offer, or at least not primarily – but for the fact that Deanna always knows what she needs, and knows how to articulate it better than Beverly herself.

So they get into Beverly’s bed and lie curled up on their sides, facing each other, knees barely touching, holding hands. Deanna knows that isn’t nearly enough physical contact, but it’s all Beverly has dared to ask for. At least this way, they can talk. So Beverly talks, about everything except what’s really bothering her, even if she can’t find the right words; and to Deanna, the scars of her many losses are almost tangible, even if Beverly pretends not to see them, to hide them, especially from herself. Deanna lets her be, listens, holds her hand. This isn’t the time for analysing or therapizing. This is a time to just let the words be in the room for a while and see how they feel, learn to recognize their definition.

Beverly sighs. “I don’t know what to do, how to talk about it. It’s as if I don’t have the words.”

“Then don’t.” Deanna squeezes Beverly’s hand. “Turn around.”

Beverly smiles through her tears (that Deanna wipes away), surprised, before she flips to her other side. “Sometimes I forget that I don’t really need words with you.”

Deanna melds herself to Beverly’s trembling body and wraps her arm around her waist. “Is this okay?” She knows she has to ask, although she already knows the answer – Beverly has to say it to admit it, if not to Deanna, then to herself.

“Yes,” Beverly lets out a sigh of relief, “very okay.”

Deanna chuckles and nuzzles her nose into Beverly’s red-golden curls. “Good. You shouldn’t deny yourself this kind of comfort, you know.”

Beverly holds Deanna’s hand and finally, her breathing starts to relax. “Thank you,” she breathes, melting into the embrace.

 _Oh, Beverly, I didn’t know you needed it_ this _much..._ “You can always ask me, okay? I’m _serious_ – I’ll snuggle up with you every night if it makes you comfortable.”

Beverly snorts sarcastically. “Do you offer that to all your patients?”

“You’re not my patient, Beverly. You’re my best friend, and I care about you. A lot. And I’ve seen you hurting, craving this kind of comfort, longing to be held – and I’ve been worried, about why you won’t admit this to yourself, about why you’d rather deny yourself that feeling than simply ask for what you need. It’s human, Beverly, humans need physical contact. There’s no shame in asking for that.” Deanna’s breath in Beverly’s neck makes her shiver. “Sorry, I’ll shut up,” Deanna whispers.

“No, no – it... It was a good shiver,” Beverly says, barely audible, and Deanna knows the kind of courage she needs to admit that it felt good. “You’re giving me major ASMR-tingles,” Beverly hums, pleased.

Deanna giggles softly, knowing her breath would cause another tickly shiver. “Mmm,” she muses, “then would you like me to keep talking? Or maybe do something like this?” She starts to lightly massage Beverly’s scalp through her hair with the hand that isn’t draped over her stomach.

Beverly groans, causing a tiny, involuntary flame to fire up in Deanna’s abdomen. “Mmm... Both, please.” The words are out before she has a chance to be embarrassed about what she’s asking – and for once, she's starting to feel so at ease that it doesn’t matter.

So Deanna plays with Beverly’s hair and whispers into her neck, and Beverly is asleep after approximately two minutes, in which she is mostly fighting some resistant voice inside her head, until she finally gives into the warmth and comfort radiating from Deanna’s embrace. Deanna keeps talking for another minute or so to make sure Beverly’s dreams will be pleasant until she, too, falls into a deep sleep.

*

When they wake up, the roles are reversed: Deanna is curled up with more blankets than she deserves to have, and Beverly is wrapped around her, as close as she could possibly be, face buried in dark brown curls. As soon as she notices they are both awake, Deanna pulls Beverly’s arm tighter around her waist as a reassurance that this is really okay, that she wants Beverly to hold her like this.

“Your hair smells so nice, I think I dreamt about flowers because of it,” a dozing Beverly mumbles into her neck.

Deanna smiles. The atmosphere has lightened and the shape of Beverly’s mind is different somehow, disentangled and relaxed. “So I take it you had a good night’s sleep?”

“I haven’t slept this well in years. I don’t think I even realized how much I needed this. Thank you for showing me.”

“You’re welcome,” Deanna hums. “I must say it’s been a while since I was this comfortable, too.”

“Well, you’re very good at cuddling,” Beverly chuckles, “I don’t really want to let you go.”

“You’re not so bad yourself.” Deanna looks at the chronometer and sighs. “I’m sorry, I do have to go, I have an appointment in an hour.” She feels Beverly’s disappointment and smiles. “But I suppose I can stay a little longer.”

Beverly hugs her tight once more before she unwraps herself and rolls onto her back. Deanna turns around and nuzzles into the crook of her neck, one arm wrapped loosely around her stomach.

“Now that you know how good it feels, will you promise me you will just ask if you need this, or anything else, again?”

Beverly sighs. “Maybe. I promise I will try. But I’m not going to just ask people to give me random hugs, okay? I don’t think Worf, for example, would appreciate that.”

Deanna chuckles at the image forming in her head. “Then just promise to ask me.”

Beverly laughs, too, and nods. “Okay.”

They lie still for a little while longer until Deanna really has to go. She leaves quickly with a soft kiss on Beverly’s cheek. When she walks out into the hallway, she senses Beverly’s sleep-hazed mix of confusion and excitement when she involuntarily touches her fingers to where the brush of Deanna’s lips lingers and smiles. It wasn’t her intention to be flirty, but it felt better to leave Beverly with that pleasant tingle, rather than with the emptiness that would otherwise have inevitably followed her departure.

Beverly stares through the viewport and the stars always seem to watch over her, to keep her safe. She can still feel the warmth of Deanna in her bed, their bodies tangled together in a wholly unerotic way, so comfortable and so natural that she couldn’t think of a single reason why she shouldn’t enjoy it so much, and that confuses her. She almost feels guilty, as if she doesn’t deserve to feel this kind of pleasure, until she remembers how Deanna has encouraged her to give in, to accept the feeling if it feels good. And she finds herself wondering what in the world she has done to deserve the magical creature that is Deanna.


	2. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleeping together may have stirred up some emotions. Especially Beverly is a little confused. Set around S5E20 "Cost of Living".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little fragmentary and changes perspectives a lot, which I’m not a big fan of, but it was necessary as a sort of bridge to what follows.

“What happened to you, Doctor?” Alyssa’s voice is bright and playful and curious, and Beverly looks up from her desk into the kind of smile that spreads across a whole face and is most visible in the eyes. She doesn’t know what to say except the truth, but she doesn’t know how to phrase that.

“I guess I just had a good talk and a good night’s sleep,” she replies, and it’s the truth if not the whole truth. _Deanna happened_ , would be a more accurate summary, but she hasn’t figured out what that means exactly and how she feels about that. She feels something, though, that much is clear from the blush that lingers long after Alyssa has left.

*

After that first night they spent together, it feels safe to indulge a little, to seek out Deanna’s company more often, be it for a quick hug in the hallways or to fight the loneliness in her bed. Sometimes, when they hang out and have a drink in either of their quarters, Deanna leans in closer on the sofa and they curl up together without thinking. Beverly finds herself smiling at the fact that Deanna would also long for this kind of intimacy, that she isn’t just doing it to help out a friend but mainly because she enjoys it, too. _You shouldn’t deny yourself this kind of comfort_ , Deanna said once, _and if it feels this good… Why would you?_

The truth is that it isn’t just about comfort anymore. Lately, Beverly's noticed that her gaze always seems to centre on Deanna, seems to follow her cascading curls around the room. It’s something that has developed slowly, something she wasn't even aware of until it was _right there_ staring at her. At first, she just looked for a familiar face inside a crowd, but over time, the other people have faded away, focusing her attention entirely on Deanna’s glowing presence and her radiating smile - an anchor. Whenever Deanna is in the same room, Beverly finds her cheeks heated and hurting, and realizes she must have been smiling the entire time. She knows the signs. She’s not stupid. She’s just afraid.

She tries to block those feelings not only from Deanna, but also from herself – not because she’s ashamed, but because she has to be sure. This is never going to be just a simple infatuation. She cares too much about Deanna for that, and they have been too close for years now to simply ignore it. Deanna is her best friend, her confidante, the one she can laugh and cry and, lately, snuggle up with, the one she trusts the most of all the people aboard the ship. That’s too much to lose over an infatuation. So it has to be love, and love is scary.

*

“Mrs. Troi, can I get you anything else?”

Lwaxana raises her eyebrows and looks at Guinan with a knowing sigh. “Well, if you could help my daughter realize something…”

Guinan laughs. “Yes, it’s about time they figure that out. But they will, don’t force them. They just need time, especially the doctor.” After a pause, she gives Lwaxana a reassuring glance. “Your daughter, she’s a wise woman, you know. Takes after you.”

Lwaxana smiles and sighs again. “Oh, I suppose you’re right. It’s just that humans are so difficult about their romantic feelings, I never fully understood that. Why can’t they just allow themselves to feel what they feel and be done with it?”

They glance over towards the table in the corner as Deanna leans slightly forward, locking concerned eyes with Beverly, and rests her hand lightly on Beverly’s. Lwaxana senses the electric jolt from both women as their fingers touch, but even to non-telepaths, Beverly’s rosy cheeks and flustered expression would have given the effects away.

Guinan nods. “For us, it’s frustrating, yes, but for them, it’s an intriguing dance.”

*

Deanna’s mind wanders as her mother drags her away from the table in Ten Forward. There is definite desire seeping through the cracks of her mental shields, bashing the door and slowly flooding her. It’s familiar, too familiar.

_Beverly._

It has to be. It’s the only logical explanation – the genuine affection mixed in is unmistakeably hers, it’s the same familiar feeling of friendship that Deanna has always sensed from her in increasing intensity for years, and she recognizes the shape of it as distinctly Beverly. The desire is nothing new, she’s sensed that before, too – with Beverly, she often lets her mind relax, lets her guard down – but it’s never been so clearly directed at her. It’s smooth and velvety, the way she has always imagined Beverly as a lover, but burning hot to the touch, fed by an intense need.

*

Lwaxana and Deanna have left Ten Forward and Beverly is still staring into a cup of tea that is cold by now. Guinan breaks through her stare. “Wanna talk about it?”

Startled, Beverly looks up and reacts instantly. “What do you mean?” Guinan gives her that glare that says she can’t be fooled and Beverly sighs. “No, but I’m guessing you think I should.”

“I think you would normally talk about this with your friend the counsellor, but you aren’t doing that, so I’m deducing it’s about her.”

Beverly shakes her head in defeat and the corner of her mouth quirks up in a half-smile. “There’s no hiding from you, is there?”

“What are you so afraid of?”

“I don’t know. No, that’s a lie, I do know, but I don’t know how to say it or why it frightens me,” Beverly sighs and drops her head in her hands, as if hiding her face would keep her from facing the reality of the words. “The last time I opened my heart like this and committed to someone, he went away and died.”

“You can’t be open to love if you’re not willing to risk pain.”

Beverly looks up, shocked. “Deanna said that to me once!”

“She’s a wise woman.”

Beverly opens her mouth to say something, then closes it again. “I shouldn’t even ask how you know that, should I?”

Guinan makes a face again. “You’re going to get hurt either way. Pushing it away will hurt, admitting how you feel might hurt, and down the line, something might happen that hurts you as well. You’re not going to avoid pain by avoiding love. There’s a lot more to gain by allowing it in.”

“But the more I love, the more it will hurt if I lose her.”

“That also means that the more pain you risk, the more love you’ll be able to feel.”

Beverly meets the wisdom in Guinan’s eyes. “I guess you’re right. It just feels like I’m jumping off a cliff into a lake and I don’t know how deep the water is or what’s underneath the surface.”

Guinan smiles that knowing smile again and pats her hand. “She’s worth the risk, Doctor.”

Beverly’s eyes sink down to the table for a moment, lost in thoughts. “How do you – oh,” she starts to speak, only to look up and realize that the woman is gone already. _How does she know these things?_

*

Lwaxana walks into Ten Forward and gives Guinan a knowing wink. “It was you, wasn’t it?”

“I may have given her a little push in the right direction,” Guinan replies with a mysterious smile.

“Thank you,” Lwaxana says as she gratefully takes Guinan’s hand in hers. “It’ll probably still take her ages to gather up the courage, but she will. Eventually. And Deanna will be there waiting, I know that much.”

“I’ll keep my eye out and try to nudge them every once in a while. Until we meet again, Mrs. Troi.”

Lwaxana nods. “Goodbye, Guinan.”


	3. Bathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Lwaxana leaves, Deanna needs some time to unwind, so she turns to Beverly. Inspired by their resident Klingon friend, they end up taking a bath together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some made-up but hopefully plausible insights into Betazoid culture, and I've never actually taken a mud bath myself, but I imagine this is how it goes.

“You should have seen Worf in the mud bath,” Deanna snorts, reaching for Beverly’s arm. “It was hilarious, he couldn’t have looked more out of place if he tried. Imagine a Klingon in a bath tub with his son, my mother and me, all naked and covered in mud!”

Beverly flinches internally at the inappropriately pleasant thought of being in a bath tub with an unclothed Deanna and then laughs out loud when the image in her head shifts to Worf’s disgruntled expression peeking out above the mud. She leans carefully into Deanna’s hands that are still grabbing a hold of her to stop the giggle fit. It makes Deanna bury her head in Beverly’s chest for a fleeting moment, too short to create tension, while a hand lands on her thigh.

“And then he said,” she lowers her voice in an effort to imitate Worf, “‘you’re just supposed to… _sit_ here?’ – oh, Beverly, my cheek still hurts from how hard I had to bite it to keep myself from laughing,” Deanna continues between breathless giggles. They don’t often gossip like this – both too polite to laugh about their colleagues’ looks or behaviour – but after Lwaxana’s visits, Deanna usually needs the distraction of laughing about utterly unimportant and ridiculous things, so they let go of moral code for an evening or two.

“It doesn’t really sound like a Klingon thing to do, to take a mud bath,” Beverly agrees. “Why is your mother such a fan of them anyway?”

Deanna shrugs, still laughing uncontrollably. “I don’t know, I think it reminds her of home. Baths are a big deal on Betazed. Mud baths do wonders for your skin. Oh, Beverly!” She squeezes Beverly’s arm so insistently it almost hurts. “We should take one, too! You could use some relaxation.”

Beverly briefly considers retorting that Deanna’s the one who could really use some relaxation, but they both know that already, so she lets it go and plays along. “For a moment there, I thought you were going to insult me and tell me my skin looks awful.”

“I would never say that to your face. I’d be way more subtle.”

“I thought you would.” Beverly looks at Deanna’s puppy dog eyes and sighs, raising her hands in defence even though she’d already decided to agree because Deanna needs this, needs a moment of uninterrupted self-care. “Alright, alright, I’ll come with you, on one condition.” Deanna’s hand is still resting on her arm and she carefully covers it with her own. “We’re not inviting Worf, or anyone else for that matter. As much as I’d like to see his face, I’d like to keep the amount of crew members who have seen me naked to a minimum.”

“Beverly, you have nothing to be ashamed of! Sometimes I forget – I wish you’d know the kind of freedom we feel about our bodies on Betazed,” Deanna exclaims. Beverly makes a face in response. Deanna nods and breaks into a broad smile. “Alright, I promise. Just the two of us.”

Beverly smiles and quickly tries to change the subject. It’s only after Deanna has left her quarters that she allows herself to think about the mess she’s getting herself into, and she wonders whether she’ll be able to keep her thoughts under control in a tub full of mud touching both their naked bodies.

*

“Oh, don’t be so prude, Bev,” Deanna laughs when Beverly involuntarily turns away to give her privacy while undressing.

“I’m not prude! Something to do with authority.”

“You’ve seen most of us more intimately naked than anyone else. Sometimes even from the inside!”

“That’s different!”

“Why? Because you look at me differently now than you would in sickbay?”

Beverly panics for one heartbeat while she figures out a reply that doesn’t give away too much. “Yes, I do, actually. Different hat.” She isn’t sure it’s convincing, but at least it’s partially honest. At least if she notices, Deanna would hopefully be polite enough not to say anything.

“Beverly, it’s okay to look and to appreciate what you see. Remember I come from a planet where people get married in the nude and everyone is telepathic,” Deanna says and pats Beverly’s arm in reassurance.

_Or not._ Deanna usually keeps her professional distance and doesn’t say anything about what she can sense from other people’s minds if she isn’t on the job, but sometimes, she uses her abilities to tease her close friends, and in doing so subtly lets them know they aren’t hiding their feelings as well as they thought. Beverly nods slowly when that dawns on her and hopes that if her breathing slows, the blush on her cheeks will go away, hopes that she can keep at least some part of her dignity when the only thing she can do is be honest. “It’s just... you’re beautiful, Deanna, and I’ve seen many beautiful women naked, but none of them have made me feel these kinds of things.”

Deanna chuckles and Beverly really wonders how she can possibly be so at ease with this situation. “It’s really not a problem and I’m used to it. It would be freeing if you would just accept it and indulge...” She gives Beverly a once-over and then steps into the tub with a smirk. “Besides, if you were Betazoid, you’d have noticed by now that I look at you the same way.”

Beverly’s eyes grow wide and her stomach flutters. “You think I’m attractive?”

“Very. Now get in the bath with me.”

Something about her open tone makes it sound so logical and reasonable. Beverly blinks her confusion away and sinks into the mud. “Oh, that feels weird, but weirdly good!”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, the pressure is sort of.. comforting. Feels nice.” Beverly closes her eyes and tries to relax, but her mind keeps repeating the scenario they just played out. _Is it really okay to just... find her attractive? It doesn’t have to mean anything?_

“How’s Wesley doing?”

Beverly lazily opens one eye and squints when she notices Deanna’s smirk. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Deanna chuckles. “I could see your mind working. You’re thinking too much. According to Worf, ‘we’re just supposed to sit here.’” She starts to giggle and her eyes sparkle.

It’s impossible not to laugh at the image that brings back. “Very credible imitation. You should do something with that talent.”

“Maybe I will.”

The laughter and the fact that their bodies are covered with mud by now are halfway successful in distracting Beverly’s thoughts from their bare skin underneath the surface. “Wesley’s doing well, I think. His grades are good, he seems to have found some friends on the same level. I always worried about that on the Enterprise, he didn’t seem to connect well with people his own age. Not that that’s always a problem, I mean, I have friends who are almost old enough to be my grandparents, but at his age...” Her voice drifts, not sure how the sentence was going to end.

“He’s at a point of transition, growing into being an adult. At that time in life, it’s important to also have people around you who are going through the same process.”

Beverly smiles and finds herself grateful for her friend’s profession – Deanna can always confirm her instincts with some kind of psychological principle that makes it seem perfectly normal.

“So, what do you think about the mud bath so far?”

She knows Deanna is just trying to make polite small talk, but now that she mentions the bath again, all Beverly can think about is the fact that they are indirectly touching _everywhere_ through the mud. “You know, it really is relaxing. So, tell me about baths on Betazed,” she says in an effort to divert conversation from their naked bodies in the same tub.

“Oh, they’re everything. You know people have absolutely no shame about being naked; well, public or semi-public baths are quite normal, so we would often just have friends over and then sit together in an outside bath. It took some getting used to, to say the least, when I got to Earth and people didn’t seem to have that kind of freedom with their bodies.”

“I can imagine. I’d love for us humans to be so less hung up about the whole thing – I mean, it would be way easier if we’d just get over ourselves and walk around naked if it would be appropriate.”

“It’s a delicate balance. We like being naked, but if we have to get dressed, we do it properly. You’ve seen my mother, she takes everything in terms of fashion very seriously.”

With curiosity more than surprise or judgement, Beverly notices the subtle semantics, the way Deanna talks about Betazoids as ‘we’ versus humans as ‘they’, and tells herself to be more mindful of that. Her genetics may make her half-human, but culturally, she’s only ever been Betazoid, with a little Starfleet on top. “I think I’m finally starting to understand her wardrobe choices,” Beverly grins. “There has been a long period of time where humans took baths together in bath houses – sometimes, I wish we could take up some of those rituals again, you know? From before everyone became so individualized.”

“Yes, that would be nice.” Deanna thinks for a moment. “It’s not that dissimilar on Betazed. Many people who indulge in these rituals do it by choice – there are very few, if any, who do it by necessity, which suggests that it’s merely a cultural phenomenon to share a bath with each other, for the social aspects of it. Like getting invited to exclusive dinner parties.”

“That makes sense. Just at dinner parties, people usually keep their clothes on, and I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t want to see any genitalia while I’m eating.” Underneath her playful grin, Beverly admires the analytical level of their discussion and how easily they often slip into these kinds of conversations.

“Well, of course the guests could wait until after dinner to undress,” Deanna grins. “Beverly, what is this obsession that you have with being naked?”

“I do not have an obsession with being naked,” Beverly exclaims and glares at her. “I’m just not used to people being so comfortable with their own body.”

“And why wouldn’t you? You’re one of the most beautiful humans I’ve ever seen.”

That brings a rush of colour to Beverly’s cheeks. “You’re definitely the most beautiful Betazoid I’ve ever seen – though I haven’t seen many, so I guess that doesn’t mean much,” she stammers. _Get yourself together, it’s a simple compliment._ “You’re gorgeous, is what I’m trying to say,” she manages eventually and her cheeks turn a few shades darker. When their eyes finally lock, Deanna just smiles in gratitude, open and relaxed. There is an intimacy to their interactions, something unspoken yet recognized by both of them, and they silently agree to let it be for the moment.

They talk some more about the Academy, friendships, growing up and cultural differences until the computer announces that their holodeck time is almost up. While Deanna gets out of the bath and rinses the mud off without any hesitation or even a hint of shame, Beverly still quietly hopes that her thoughts are private enough. It’s clear that this is far more serious than just looking at an attractive body, but somewhere deep down, she knows intuitively that Deanna is aware of that and that it’s okay, that she accepts it, whatever it may be. _Deanna doesn’t hide. She’s her mother’s daughter, after all. So maybe I don’t have to._


	4. Beverly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a dream once, probably the night after I'd discovered the Blazin' Bev memes, and that turned into this chapter. Please don't judge my subconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter starts with mild use of an unspecified drug (although spoiler alert, it's not completely real).  
> If you don't like the drug references or explicit sexy stuff, skip ahead to the next chapter, I'll post a summary.

Deanna isn’t there yet – “twenty minutes,” she’d said, a little over half an hour ago –, so Beverly decides to start on her own, lounging in too many comfy pillows. The first kick is a pleasant feeling on the background, nothing too noticeable yet, but she feels relaxed and the faintest bit turned on. She’s just taken a second hiss when the doorbell chimes – finally. “Come in,” she manages, much more seductive than she’d intended. A shadow appears and starts walking over towards the bedroom. “In here,” Beverly says, again in that accidentally slightly seductive voice.

Deanna leans in the doorframe, an amused, quirky smile tugging on the corners of her mouth. “Bev, are you high?”

“Not yet,” Beverly replies and breaks out into laughter. “Come, join me!” A moment passes and Beverly startles when she feels the bed moving. Confused, she opens her eyes, not aware that she’d closed them, and she’s immediately reassured by Deanna’s presence. _When did she get in?_ She hands the substance over and has to do her best to keep her hands off of Deanna while she settles in next to her.

As Deanna takes her first hiss, Beverly can see her immediately relax. Her chest relaxes, too – or maybe she’s imagining that simply to have a reason to let her eyes linger there.

“Where did you get this stuff?”

Beverly is startled again by the sound of Deanna’s soft, husky voice. “Well, you know we have an arboretum… and someone who works there owed me a favour,” she answers giddily, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Mmm, is that so,” Deanna chuckles. “And what did I do to deserve a part of your favour?”

“I like your company,” Beverly says – the safe answer. “I’m comfortable with you.”

“Aww, that sounds like something Data would say to describe friendship,” Deanna giggles. Beverly nudges her side with her elbow and gives her a meaningful glare. Deanna laughs again and settles closer to Beverly, resting her head on her shoulder. “I’m comfortable with you, too, Bev. Very comfortable.”

An unknown amount of time passes in silence between them and Beverly feels like she’s floating, drifting off out the viewport and into the stars.

“How do you feel right now?” Deanna asks the question not in her usual therapist voice, but more as a curious friend, and slightly giddy.

Her awareness grows again, back through the viewport and into the bed. Beverly snickers and feels suddenly bold. “Turned on. Mostly. And calm.”

“Really? Does that always happen when you’re high?” Inquisitive tone, again, mixed with a hint of amusement.

“Yeah, every time it gets me horny as hell. But then the orgasms are great, so I’m not complaining.” Beverly’s hand has fallen to Deanna’s thigh and is stroking it lightly. Her eyes are closed.

“Mmm, maybe I should try that some time. I don’t think I’ve ever masturbated on drugs.”

Beverly’s eyes shoot up. “You don’t _have_ to masturbate,” she says, well aware that Deanna knows what she’s doing and is simply playing along. She turns slightly to look into Deanna’s eyes and places a hand on her cheek. “Deanna, have sex with me please?”

Deanna leans into her hand and kisses her palm, then her wrist, then her mouth. “Yes, yes, yes,” she whispers between soft, warm, longing kisses, “I thought you’d never ask.”

Their clothes are off quickly, the remainder of the substance safely on the nightstand. Beverly feels her knees weaken at the fingers that trail her back, arms, side, breast; moans when they pinch her nipple, again when they’re buried in her hips. The hazy, languid, flirtatious mood has tipped over into an immediate urgency and Beverly’s hungry hands grab at soft skin that she couldn’t ever get enough of. Their kisses are passionate and full of heated desire. She gasps when she feels Deanna’s hand between her thighs and returns the gesture. It’s fast and messy, but they’re suddenly uninhibited and inexplicably hungry for each other.

“Gods, Beverly, I know you said you were turned on, but _this_ ,” Deanna moans.

Beverly would have laughed if it weren’t for the finger she suddenly feels slip inside. “Speak for yourself – when did you get so wet?” She’d wanted to sound dominant, but it comes out more like a helpless cry between the overwhelming rush of heat in her loins and her effort to avoid losing herself to Deanna’s lusting lips before she can even finish the sentence.

“You made me,” Deanna purrs, her voice buzzing, barely breaking contact with her lips. “I can feel what you feel, how hot you feel, how much you want this,” she licks Beverly’s jaw and neck before whispering in her ear, “how close you are, _already_.”

Beverly groans at the hot breath in her ear and the tongue in her neck. It’s true, she could come at a whisper. “ _Oh gods_ , Deanna, this feels so good, _you_ feel so good – ohh, just tell me when, okay?” She feels Deanna’s hips bucking against her, pressing herself deeper onto Beverly’s hand.

“Yes, yes Beverly, oh right there, _don’t stop –_ ” Deanna’s moans breaking into her ear make her squirm and Beverly feels herself close to losing all control. Neither woman hears the door chime.

“I – oh – oh god, Deanna, this – I’m – I have to come, _please_ , make me come, _now_ –” One more flick of her thumb makes Beverly cry out as the orgasm thunders through her veins and twitches every nerve. Deanna’s climax follows suit, almost as though she is riding Beverly’s high to her own. They fall into each other’s arms, panting.

Someone clears his throat. Beverly is still too high to be properly startled, but she has to look. When she opens her eyes, there is a man standing in the doorway.

Beverly blinks. _Jean-Luc?_ Her heart is pounding, fists clenching the sheets.

There is no one there – not Jean-Luc in the doorway, not Deanna next to her. She sighs and buries her face in a pillow as she realizes what has happened. The computer tells her that it’s 01:57 – the middle of the night.

Beverly throws her legs over the edge of the bed and tries to get up. _When did my knees start to tremble?_ She shuffles towards the bathroom and looks in the mirror. _You look ravished. Did you really just have an orgasm in your sleep?_

“Computer, water, seven degrees Celsius.” Her knees stop trembling as she drinks the water and her breathing goes back to normal. Still feeling way too warm, she takes off her nightshirt and underwear. _Soaking. That bad, huh._

*

The captain is gone, but Deanna is still there and they’re in the same position, frozen to place. Deanna whimpers as Beverly moves her hand away and lays it on her chest. She smirks, but when Deanna pulls her fingers out, she shivers and can’t suppress a disappointed sigh.

“I’m sorry. Caught by the captain but still turned on? Who would’ve thought you would be so into this, Beverly,” Deanna teases, softly stroking Beverly’s chest, fingers fluttering around her nipple. “Do you want more?”

Beverly shivers again, this time a shiver of pleasure that travels from her loins to the back of her head. “Told you that stuff makes me horny,” she mumbles as her lips find Deanna’s again and her hands cup Deanna’s breasts. “I’m not nearly done with you yet.” She rolls on top of Deanna and begins a kissing trail along her jaw, ear, neck, collarbone and across her chest. The sensation of Deanna’s body quivering beneath her is something else; she can hear as well as feel her groans when she licks and sucks a nipple.

“Please, Beverly, more,” Deanna almost begs, hands buried in Beverly’s hair.

“More?” Beverly tries to tease, but she can’t hide that she wants, _needs_ to touch Deanna more, and hearing her beg for it really turns her on.

“I want you. Touch me. Gods, Beverly, I need you inside me.”

Beverly stops trying to pretend she has things under control and without another word, she inserts two fingers, the other hand remaining on Deanna’s breast.

“Ahhh, that’s good, that feels _really_ good,” Deanna moans.

Beverly could drown in those moans forever and all she wants is to hear more of them. So she kisses Deanna’s inner thigh – one moan –, then licks her own fingers – a moan from both of them –, then licks between Deanna’s thighs, parting the swollen, wet folds with her tongue – many, many moans. She alternates long and slow strokes with sucking and rolling the nub between her lips. Deanna is actively pushing her head between her thighs now and groans when Beverly slides her fingers inside again.

There are incoherent combinations of “oh yes” and “don’t stop” and “please” and “Beverly” with the last syllable drawn out, and Beverly feels Deanna’s legs shaking on her shoulders and her hips bucking against her mouth and then everything trembling and shocking and her head is still pressed down so she doesn’t stop licking and sucking and flicking until she feels everything calm down, and then she slowly withdraws her fingers and releases her mouth, and licks her fingers and follows the trail of kisses back up to Deanna’s neck.

“Oh, Beverly, I had no idea you could make me feel this good,” Deanna manages to say, still out of breath. She pulls Beverly’s face into her hands and kisses her. Beverly wonders what that would be like, to taste herself on her lips and tongue.

Deanna purrs in her mouth and scratches her back with her nails. “I want you,” she groans on Beverly’s lips, “I want all of you.” They roll over and Beverly knows what she’s going to feel now, that Deanna will go down on her, but still she gasps in surprise when those fingers and nails trail down her body again, and she feels those lips and that tongue on her breasts, her stomach, her quivering thighs, wet and soft and so hot when they finally touch and Beverly moans and shudders in response. Deanna licks long strokes at first, slowly eating her out, and Beverly feels as if she is wholly encompassed by the silky feeling of her tongue and her warm breath.

“Ohh, Deanna, this feels so good, oh, please, harder, more, _please_ ,” Beverly begs and cries out while she pushes her hips up and grinds on Deanna’s mouth. In response, she feels two fingers slip inside.

“Better?” Deanna breathes hot onto her clit before she sucks it into her mouth.

“Gods yes, oh you’re good at that, please don’t stop,” Beverly gasps and she doesn’t think she can talk anymore, because those quick flicks of Deanna’s tongue in alternation with hot, hard sucking lips and the rhythm of her thrusting fingers make her catch her breath and writhe wildly underneath Deanna’s touch, and _ohgodplease yes please yes_ she doesn’t even know what sounds to make when she feels herself fall over the edge _yes harder yes more right there keep doing that_ her breath catches again and she shivers as the heat spreads through her core to her limbs and all she can think is Deanna, Deanna’s tongue, Deanna’s hair, Deanna’s fingers, Deanna’s smell, Deanna’s taste that lingers on her lips, and the orgasm makes her shake and gasp and all she can breathe is Deanna.

Beverly feels wrapped in a blanket of Deanna’s presence and she thinks she’s drifted off for a moment, but then she’s back and aware of that blanket and Deanna is stroking her cheek and whispers in her ear, “you really needed that, didn’t you?”

“You have no idea,” Beverly sighs. She starts to feel Deanna’s hand slip away and stops her immediately. “I might need more.” She can’t remember herself ever asking for it so bluntly before, but for some reason, she feels comfortable here, uninhibited. Her lips find Deanna’s again and kiss her hungrily, stroking her side, breasts and hips before sliding her fingers back into Deanna and out again, circling her clit, _oh god she’s so ready_ , and she feels their hips moving into each other, fingers flicking fast, and Deanna’s hand behind her head pulls her hair back and she groans, deeply, feeling herself on the edge of a climax already.

“My god, Beverly, you’re insatiable,” Deanna says, and it sounds like a complaint but when their eyes lock, Beverly can see nothing but desire and she does all she can to keep staring into the depths of those black eyes when they come together, shuddering, melting into each other’s arms.

Beverly keeps touching Deanna’s body all over, just holding her, feeling her skin against her own, and she doesn’t think she could ever get enough of her, but she feels exhausted. “I want you,” she mumbles, and she’s on the verge of falling into a deep sleep, so she holds onto Deanna more tightly and nuzzles into her shoulder, keeps whispering “I want you,” then half-consciously mumbles a muffled “I love you” in between and she barely even notices herself that she switched out that one word.

The only thing she can feel is Deanna’s body wrapped around her, skin against warm skin, Deanna’s hands stroking her back and her hair, and at some point she thinks she hears “I love you too, Beverly,” and she feels butterflies fluttering through her veins. She’s exhausted, but she wants to be closer still, because being with Deanna is intoxicating, and she means it when she whispers: “Stay with me, Deanna, I don’t want to let go, I want you to stay forever.”

*

When Beverly wakes up, she’s alone in her bed, cradling a pillow against her naked body. It takes her a while to adjust to her surroundings, to notice the streaks of hair stuck to her sweaty temples and the stains on her sheets. “Again? Great. Just great,” she mumbles to herself and sighs. It’s embarrassing, but the sensations had felt so real, and the orgasms were certainly real, she knows that much from the way her body reacts.

_A shower, maybe. A shower would be good._

*

“You look positively glowing today, Doctor,” Alyssa greets Beverly while dropping some PADDs on her desk.

“Thank you. I guess I just had a good night’s sleep, for once I actually feel rested,” Beverly answers. It’s true, after the first dream that had woken her up, she’d fallen into a deep sleep and slept well through the night – but that is probably not what has given her the glow that Alyssa noticed. _More like glowing with embarrassment._

“I’m starting to suspect more than just a good night’s sleep, Doctor,” she chuckles.

Beverly glares at her. “ _Thank you_ , Alyssa,” she says in a warning tone, “but it’s _really_ nothing more.”

Alyssa raises her hands in defeat. “Alright, I won’t pry. But it looks good on you,” Beverly raises her eyebrows, “this uh… being well-rested, or whatever it is.”

Beverly’s eyebrows drop again and she nods at Alyssa before she’s alone again in her office and slumps back on her chair. _I should’ve known there’s no hiding from these people. You have it bad, Howard._ Vaguely, she’s reminded of a lecture about dreams – something about consciously repressed feelings being subconsciously expressed through dreams, to allow uninhibited indulgence. And even though this was clearly an exaggeration, a case of overindulgence, she tells herself – now that she’s touched those feelings, felt them, discovered it can feel _that_ good… _Oh, admit it. You’re hopelessly in love and you know it. You both know it. She’s just waiting for you to admit it._

She chuckles. _I wonder what Freud has to say about Jean-Luc's interruption._ The stack of PADDs on her desk suddenly seems inviting, just because it gives her a distraction and an excuse to avoid her staff while she figures out the mess of feelings she’s tangled in. _Maybe it could really be that good._


	5. Deanna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly had a dream in which she had wild, uninhibited sex with Deanna. Now we see the other side and the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Just to be on the safe side, this could be read as a tiny little bit dubious, consent-wise, because they're sleeping and therefore unconscious, but it's mainly going along with whatever is already there.

_Captain?!_

Deanna wakes up, gasping and panting, slowly catching her breath. The bed is empty, she realizes as the fog inside her mind clears, and for a moment she’s confused, then disappointed. _Beverly?_

It’s not like she’s never climaxed in her sleep before, but this time, the dream that caused it felt different, more intense, closer. Almost tangible. She wonders briefly whether it was solely her own dream, before deciding that it’s best not to know – she wouldn’t want to intrude on her friend’s private thoughts.

Beverly. Oh, darling Beverly, her sexuality so deeply stacked away beneath her professionalism that she could almost convincingly pretend that it wasn’t there, almost, if it weren’t for the thick layer of abandon and need covering it that Deanna always senses. Beverly, so depraved of intimacy that she could almost convince herself that she doesn’t need it, except for the way her touch-starved body almost visibly begs for contact and trembles in Deanna’s soothing embrace. Beverly, who, if this was actually her dream projecting itself into Deanna’s mind, seems so desperate for release that it almost hurts. Beverly, so tired of fighting her feelings that the exhaustion has become a part of her daily life.

It doesn’t matter whether the feelings are completely her own or not. The way her body reacts is definitely her own, and right now, although the edge is gone, there is still a slow burn simmering in her loins, and Deanna has to bite her lip to stifle a moan when she thinks back to the position in which the dream stopped. She discards her nightgown and shivers when the satin of her sheets brushes her taut nipples. When she reaches down into soaked panties, she decides to remove those as well. Her mind wanders back to the dream, removes Picard’s interruption and she’s immediately back in the heat of their lovemaking.

It’s a minor intrusion, but Deanna reminds herself that, even if it was Beverly’s dream, she was projecting so loudly and clearly that it couldn’t be ignored, and she was practically begging for more in her dream. So she indulges a little, lets her mind tangle gently and loosely with Beverly’s, before they’re both asleep and subconsciously reaching out for each other again. Their bodies meld together, closer and closer – she can almost feel Beverly pressing against her, the heat of her skin electric underneath her fingertips and, later, her mouth and tongue. When she craves for more, Deanna gives it to her, gently pushes her to acknowledge her needs and to let go of the embarrassment she would normally feel. So open, vulnerable, everything laid bare – Deanna thinks it’s beautiful, but Beverly always tries to hide. _She shouldn’t have to,_ Deanna thinks. _She doesn’t have to._

When Beverly has finally let go, given in, accepted her desires, taken the orgasms she needed to relax and to feel, truly _feel_ , exhaustion takes over. Deanna sees this isn’t the end of it – the coiling lust now burning behind those icy blue eyes, the uncontrollable tremor of her muscles, the raspy need in her voice as Beverly finally admits to herself more than to anyone else: “I want you” and “I want more” and “I need you.” But underneath her determined mind, her energy is fading, and Deanna takes her into her arms, calming kisses in her hair – red like the fire of her desire – and slow strokes on her back. Beverly’s fingers still grasp hungrily at every inch of skin they can reach, but she’s starting to fade away. Somewhere between her muttered wants and needs, she murmurs an almost unintelligible “I love you” and then she slips into sleep as Deanna’s arms wrap tighter around her, holding her, protecting. Beverly’s limbs melt and she finally relaxes, languid, not restless anymore.

“I love you too, Beverly,” she whispers absent-mindedly, kisses the top of her messy but still beautiful hair. She hadn’t even fully realized the truth of that statement, the extent of it, until the words just seem to escape her of their own volition.

Beverly’s breath hitches against her collarbone and she nestles impossibly closer. Then, almost inaudible: “Stay with me, Deanna, I don’t want to let go, I want you to stay forever.”

Overcome with emotion, Deanna's stomach flutters and she has to blink away a tear. Especially in a culture where everything is already known before it is said, spoken words communicate intention more than they reveal the truth. Of course, she knows that it’s not the same with humans, but actually hearing the words when someone communicates a feeling to her has always had a special value to her. But this is about Beverly, about the trust she shows in her every move, and it suddenly occurs to Deanna that Beverly finds it easier to trust someone else than she could trust herself. Professionally, command comes easy to her, she’s good at making decisions, trusts her own judgement, knows when she’s right and follows that line without looking back – but personally, emotionally, Beverly stands unsteady on her own two feet.

 _She’s exhausted_ , Deanna thinks, and mentally wraps Beverly in a blanket of comfort, just holding her and wishing she would finally get a good night’s sleep, now that the tension has dissipated a little. She projects her feelings as open, caring, accepting as possible, tries to make Beverly feel truly relaxed and at home in her arms. She knows that Beverly doesn’t get nearly as much physical comfort as she needs, but she rarely dares to ask for it. Deanna wishes she would. She feels for Beverly’s need – because need is really what it is, not even desire or lust or craving, simply a physical _need_ to be touched, a need for intimacy. And somewhere in the back of her mind is a thought that she’d happily give Beverly anything she’d ever want.

*

It takes a few days in which they barely see each other – probably for the better, since the memories of that dream are distracting enough without seeing their subject sitting across the table in the observation lounge. But then there’s a sudden clarity in Beverly’s person, the way her posture is relaxed and straightened, her eyes open and at peace. A knot untangled, something settled in her mind, found its place. When their eyes lock, her smile, radiating warmth, not hiding anymore, admitting and accepting. Deanna smiles back and the knowledge is suddenly there between them, the acknowledgement of everything they feel for each other. Then the captain walks in, coughs, and begins the meeting.

After the other senior officers have left, Beverly lingers, toying with the hem of her lab coat. She fidgets unconsciously, she always does when she wants to say something but doesn’t know how to start. Deanna stares at her shoes in an effort to hide her amusement. She’s about to ignore the fidgeting and walk into the hallway when their eyes meet and she’s frozen in place by the force of the emotions she sees whirling in Beverly’s eyes.

“Beverly?”

Beverly bites her lip and Deanna thinks it’s adorable how nervous she is. “I guess I can’t hide from you,” Beverly says softly with a small, nervous smile. “Do you want to have dinner with me?”

There is that smile again, Deanna feels the edges of her mouth curve up and doesn’t hide it this time. “Yes, I’d like that.” She pauses for a moment, lets the slight tremble in her voice settle before she continues – Beverly’s not the only one who gets nervous. “I have a late appointment tonight and a videocall with my mother,” she rolls her eyes and Beverly laughs, “but tomorrow?”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up at your quarters at 19:00 hours, is that alright?”

“Fantastic,” Deanna says and blinks like an infatuated teenager.

Beverly smiles (more than she usually does) and turns to leave, then turns back again. “Oh, dress code is casual chic,” she adds and wiggles an eyebrow.

“Ooh, we’re going somewhere fancy?”

“Slightly fancy,” Beverly winks and pokes in Deanna’s direction with her finger. “But that’s all I’m telling you!”

“I love surprises,” Deanna says with a wide grin. “I’m looking forward to it, Bev.”

“Me, too.”


	6. Holodeck, pt. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly's gathered up the courage to ask Deanna out. On a date in the holodeck, they finally don't talk about their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I switched perspective towards the end and I don't know why. Sometimes the words just do things on their own.
> 
> As always, the comments box is open, let me know what you think!

Deanna paces in front of her wardrobe, pulls out some of the dresses Lwaxana has sent and squints. _No, not even close to casual._ She sighs and starts to massage her neck, attempting to ease out the tension even though she knows it’ll be there until at least the end of this date. That is, if this is a date. Worries start to bubble up again – her empathic awareness isn’t always certain, especially not when her own feelings are getting in the way.

_What exactly classifies as 'casual chic'?_

_Where are we even going?_

“Computer, what time is it?”

“The time is 1847 hours.”

_Oh, by the four deities. Get on with it._

She pulls out a jumpsuit that looks almost black but shimmers a deep aubergine if the light catches it just right. _Perfect._ The cut is low enough to show off her assets, but not obscene, and it subtly accentuates her figure. She’s still working her hair into some matching pins when the door chimes.

“Come in!”

From the corner of her eye, Deanna sees in the mirror that Beverly enters, but doesn’t say a word. Deanna inserts the last pin and turns towards the door. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Beverly manages with obvious difficulty.

“You look stunning,” Deanna says while giving her a once-over. The dark blue of her boatneck dress is a beautiful contrast to the coppery curls that drape over her bare shoulders.

Beverly still doesn’t say anything until Deanna stands next to her, smirking. _Such a great actress and always a talker, yet now she’s at a loss for words. I didn’t know I was that impressive._ “I... um, you’re amazing. I mean, um, you look amazing,” Beverly finally stutters and her cheeks flush.

Deanna giggles and loops her arm through Beverly’s. “Thank you. Shall we?”

Beverly leads the way towards the turbolift. Deanna guesses that they’re going to a holodeck, but she lets herself be surprised. A current of anticipation curls through her veins and nestles itself in her lower abdomen.

“Evening, ladies,” Geordi says in passing. “You look wonderful. Going for a fancy night out?”

Apparently, Beverly has regained her composure by now and she replies smugly. “Yes, but I can’t tell you any more about it, because it’s a surprise.”

“Oh, a special occasion?”

“I had to talk to my mother for three hours yesterday and she interrogated me about grandchildren,” Deanna replies with a sigh. She doesn’t add that her mother also inquired after her relationship with Beverly and that that makes her a lot more tense than the questions about grandchildren. Even over subspace, the woman had noticed the dream that’s been pulsating somewhere in the back of her mind. “This is Beverly’s way of distracting me.”

“Ah, I feel you,” Geordi laughs. “Have a good time!”

As their ways part again, Beverly looks at Deanna, one eyebrow quirked up. “Is _that_ why you’re having dinner with me?”

“Would you rather I’d told him that we’re on a date?”

Beverly hums and rolls her eyes, but Deanna only sees the grin breaking through on her face that is confirmation enough. _So it’s a date after all._

*

They sit at a small, wooden table on a seaside terrace. It’s clearly not the real Mediterranean sea, but it feels close enough, especially to two people who have never lived anywhere near it. The setting sun brings a special glow to Beverly’s hair and when darkness falls the candles light a lovely twinkle in her eyes. It’s been distracting Deanna all through dinner and she can’t wipe the smile off her face.

Beverly brought a bag that’s full of surprises, most of all some real wine and glasses, and they’re sipping at it quietly now. Normally, they can talk for hours and hours, and they have, but for some reason, after dinner, the conversation’s slowed down and they’ve organically slipped into sitting together in silence. It isn’t an awkward silence, it’s actually a very comfortable one, and Deanna appreciates the fact that their friendship has grown so close that they can simply enjoy each other’s company without words. It’s completely normal for Betazoids to do so, but for once, on this occasion, she’s grateful that she isn’t in the company of a telepath – although she has at times wondered if there isn’t some latent ability running through the Howard family – while she thinks about how to phrase what she wants to say. There’s an unspoken understanding between them about their feelings, that they don’t discuss them – that they don’t have to, and she appreciates that, but she’s also learned that humans often look for explicit verbal confirmation. She grabs Beverly’s hand that’s lying on the table in front of her.

“Beverly, I...”

As soon as she starts to speak, Beverly leans forward, reaches over and presses a finger to Deanna’s lips.

Deanna blinks, confused. _Am I making a huge mistake? Did I misinterpret everything?_ Slightly nervous, she looks down at their hands for a moment and then back into Beverly’s sparkly eyes for reassurance. The affection – attraction – she sees and senses could barely be mistaken. _You’re not wrong, Deanna. Get yourself together._ She takes a deep breath and looks again, suddenly relaxing as she registers what Beverly’s projecting and realization dawns on her. _I thought I was the empath._

“Don’t say it. I feel it too,” Beverly whispers, the twinkle in her eyes still there, possibly sparkling even brighter now. She holds Deanna’s hand tight, her thumb circling the palm and wrist. Deanna feels the worries wash off her shoulders again and breathes out against Beverly’s finger, understanding, cherishing their secret moment. Sharing something that is present in the loaded air around them, in their bodies, in the way they look at each other, in _feeling_ – it almost seems too much to put into words. The magic of that feeling as long as it isn’t defined, knowing they both feel it – it encapsulates them both, together.

Beverly finally lifts her finger from Deanna’s lips and brushes a tingly trail across her cheekbone and temple to tuck a curl behind her ear. Her hand lingers on Deanna’s cheek and every tiny touch feels electric. Her eyes are glowing, steady and confident, almost enough to hide the nerves in her voice when she finally speaks. “Would you like to take a walk with me?”

*

They walk hand in hand around the arboretum in patient silence, simply enjoying the feeling of being together, the anticipation and unspoken excitement for what is next lingering in the air around them.

“Deanna?”

“Yes?”

“Didn’t you.. _know_?” Beverly looks at her with a sort of worried curiosity.

“I suppose I did,” Deanna replies, “but sometimes I was afraid that I was just confusing my own feelings with yours, projecting them onto you. I’m not always sure about what I’m sensing and from whom, you know. And my human half tends to cloud the judgement a little.” She smiles and pulls Beverly’s arm closer – they’ve stopped walking. “But now I am,” she says as she turns and rests her other hand lightly on Beverly’s hip. She feels a jolt of excitement in her lower abdomen – whether it’s Beverly’s or her own, she doesn’t know, but it feels right. In the faint glow of the artificial sunset, with the stars watching over them, she ventures into unknown and yet somehow deeply familiar territory.

Beverly touches Deanna’s upper arm, searches longing black eyes for an indication, and finds rosy lips slightly parted in anticipation. A spark jumps at the first, hesitant brushing of their lips, and almost immediately, Deanna lets her in, stepping closer and leaning into Beverly’s body. Their first kiss is tender, sweet, caring, and wonderful, but Beverly feels the inevitable physical response and knows better by now than to think she could hide that from Deanna. So when the woman presses herself flush against her body and lets out a soft moan into the next kiss, Beverly figures it’s her way of saying she feels that, too.

With tingling fingertips, Beverly’s hand travels up to Deanna’s cheek, tangles in those beautiful chocolate-coloured curls, softly guides the tilt of her head, and she feels their lips open wider, their tongues meeting, carefully, tentatively. Deanna responds by pulling Beverly’s hips even closer, her hand now resting on the small of her back. Hands start to roam and every time they let go for a short second to breathe again, their eyes meet with growing desire. Beverly’s never before touched lips so soft and a tongue so velvety smooth – she’s never kissed this way before, so elegantly, so perfectly fitting. Deanna’s body seems to melt into her arms.

Their lips part, reluctantly, for both to catch their breath, but they stay close, their noses almost touching, their eyes locked and reading each other. Deanna untangles her fingers and wraps her arms around Beverly’s waist.

“I’m glad we finally did that,” Beverly manages to whisper, still out of breath. She rests her forehead against Deanna’s, quietly thanking the stars for being their only companion.

Deanna smiles in agreement. “The perfect end to a perfect date.”

Beverly panics slightly – _is this the end already?_ _I don’t want it to be_ – and her cheeks flush even more. “The end? I don’t want this to be over yet,” she says, still caressing Deanna’s hair and cheek.

“I don’t either.” Deanna bites her lip, and Beverly can see the split-second decision happening behind her eyes, feels her take a leap of faith when her lips part only a few millimetres away from her own. “Well, then, would you like to come back to my quarters?”

Butterflies flutter and Beverly’s breath hitches. She nods, eyes falling shut on her way to another kiss, noses playfully brushing against each other, lashes tickling her cheekbones, and she’s simultaneously lifting off and falling.


	7. Quarters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a date on the holodeck and in the arboretum, Deanna invites Beverly to her quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is definitely nsfw, be warned.

As they walk silently through the corridors, their hands brush against each other and Beverly’s breath hitches. Deanna’s fingers extend a little and by unspoken agreement Beverly laces their own through them. Her heart is thumping in her throat and doubts about rushing into this, other people seeing the way their hands are linked before she’s even sure herself, tumble through her head until Deanna’s tender voice interrupts them.

“I really did have a wonderful evening, Beverly, thank you. Very romantic. I’m glad it isn’t over yet.”

Beverly smiles and feels the worries wash off her shoulders. _No_ , _this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be_. “I enjoyed it too. I like being with you.” They stand still in front of Deanna’s quarters and Beverly adds: “And I must admit, I have dreamed about this, too.”

Deanna lets them in and before the doors whoosh closed, her arms are around Beverly’s neck. “Oh, I _know_ ,” she says conspiratorially as she leans in for another kiss. Before Beverly can think of an answer, their bodies are glued together again. She feels unexpectedly turned on by the thought that Deanna might know exactly what happens in those dreams.

Deanna lets one hand slide from Beverly’s neck downwards, slowly, her eyes asking for permission; Beverly’s soft, longing moan giving that permission and more. A sigh escapes and her eyes fall shut as Deanna’s hand reaches her breast and starts to massage it. She explores Deanna’s body with new, exhilarating desire and feels her lean into the touches, breathing heavily. Somehow, it all feels familiar. Suddenly confident, Beverly whispers: “Shall we take this to the bedroom?”

Deanna doesn’t answer, just takes her hand and guides her to her bed, their touches along the way without any hesitation. Beverly is the first to fall onto the bed in her underwear and Deanna half-throws herself on top of her with an adoring, almost predatory look. Beverly makes a mental note to look into Betazoid sexuality – she should’ve thought of doing that before, really – before she loses herself in Deanna’s body and indulges in a thirsty, passionate kiss that makes many promises for what’s to come.

Another surge of desire rushes through her veins when her nails in Deanna’s bottom elicit a helpless moan. She rolls herself on top of Deanna and between her legs with a very clear intention which Deanna must have heard, because a broad smile appears and she settles herself in the pillows. Beverly rolls her eyes at the realization. “Empaths.”

Deanna bites her lip and grins. She’s very clearly aroused, but somehow she manages to pause and take a moment to read Beverly’s emotional. Beverly knows that searching look by now and although she appreciates the gesture, her desire is evident and she lets it shine through on purpose. She’s sure of it now. At that, Deanna’s eyes go soft and dark. “I want you to.”

Beverly cherishes the way Deanna’s voice trembles in anticipation and starts to kiss her way down her neck and breasts, letting her fingers toy with Deanna’s nipples. Her mouth continues across her stomach, her nose tickling through the soft fur on her lower abdomen. Deanna spreads her legs further to invite her in and then, finally, Beverly’s tongue traces slowly between her folds. She doesn’t know where she found the sudden confidence, but there’s nothing she wants to do more than this. Deanna inhales sharply and lets out a shaky moan when her clit is finally touched. Beverly’s hands linger on Deanna’s breasts just a little longer – for now, she just wants to take in the taste, the smell, the feel of having the woman of her dreams underneath her, squirming and moaning.

“Oh, Bev, yes, please,” Deanna sighs, already out of breath.

Beverly looks up with a mischievous smile and lets her fingers trail maddeningly slowly. Deanna gasps as she feels her enter and Beverly takes a moment to appreciate the deliciously tense arch of her back. Deanna’s skin smells like home and she just wants to keep going, keep making her feel this good. Fists clench the sheets and it doesn’t take long until Beverly feels the muscles tighten around her fingers. When the tension in Deanna’s body is released, she debates for a second keeping her on that plateau and building her to another orgasm. The sounds that Deanna makes win her over – Beverly wants nothing more than to drown herself in them. Suddenly she has this intense desire to _give_ , to be the cause of Deanna’s pleasure. She wants to learn, to take in the way Deanna reacts to her touches, the way her body moves underneath her mouth, the sounds she makes and what they mean. She savours every piece of warm skin underneath her hands and mouth and Deanna shivers, her voice shaky as she breathes, “oh, Beverly...”

“You haven’t had enough yet, have you?” Beverly teases.

“Mm, more,” Deanna manages to stammer, her voice a low purr that trembles through Beverly’s abdomen, but that’s a feeling for later. She isn’t nearly done with this yet.

“Good.” Beverly starts to lick again, tenderly, and slowly moves her fingers until Deanna’s moans urge her on and she practically begs for more. She reaches up to pinch a nipple and licks harder. Deanna cries out and buries her hand in Beverly’s hair – as if she’d have any intention of moving.

“Mm, don’t stop, oh gods, _Beverly_ , that’s so good,” Deanna almost growls, and even though Beverly clenches her thighs together, she knows that she must be dripping on the sheets by now. _Focus._ She experiments and plays out different patterns with her tongue, alternating long, slow strokes with quick flicks, and Deanna seems to like long and slow the best. The way Deanna’s body reacts cause her to be further incapacitated by desire and the muffled moans above her are starting to affect her ability to think straight. Deanna’s orgasm feels long and drawn out and desperate and when the waves finally stop crashing, she looks as though she’s in another galaxy.

When she’s calmed down, Beverly is lying next to her on her side, an arm wrapped around her chest, tracing tiny circles on her skin. “I’ve always wanted to try that,” Beverly says with a smug smile.

“Oh, is that what I am to you? An experiment?”

“You know that’s not true.” She wants to say something more, but before she has the chance, Deanna’s lips are on her mouth, her hands hungrily taking in her body.

“I want to make you feel what I just felt,” she says, trying to roll Beverly over, but she pushes back and holds Deanna by her waist.

“Don’t. I want you here.” She doesn’t know why, but she suddenly just _needs_ to have Deanna close. Their eyes meet and hold for a tender moment before Deanna nods and kisses her, subtly manoeuvring a leg between Beverly’s.

She stops Deanna’s hand on its way down. “Please. I’m so on edge I think I’d explode.” Deanna’s eyes search for a second; she bites her lip, smiles, and her hips start to move.

Almost immediately, Beverly shivers through a frustrating sort of half-climax that makes her suddenly desperate for true release. When her eyes meet Deanna’s again, there’s a legible determination there. She takes Deanna's hand and moves it from her hip to her abdomen until she gets the hint. “Take me,” she blurts out, finally giving in, because it’s just about all she can think.

Deanna starts to move, pushes her back, attacks her neck and breasts with open kisses and almost-bites, groans when her fingers dive into Beverly’s wet, swollen lips. “I want you,” she husks.

“More, please,” Beverly manages, and Deanna’s fingers enter her, a little rough but careful, just the way she needs it now. The exhilaration of being taken by her, riding her hand like this, is almost too much already, but when her thumb starts to stroke her clit – hard and with purpose – and she sucks a nipple while pinching the other, Beverly melts and comes slowly undone. Her head falls back and she finally, blissfully, surrenders.

When she opens her eyes again, she sees the echoes of her own pleasure ripple through Deanna as well. She’d always thought Deanna would be incredible in bed, but she hadn’t fully understood the extent of her empathic abilities until now. Deanna’s fingers slip out and she brings them to her mouth, making a show out of licking them clean. “Mm, gods, you feel so good,” Deanna moans. Beverly stares at her tongue and as soon as Deanna brings her hand back down, their lips meet in hot, open kisses. Beverly leans in and rocks her hips softly into the aftershocks of her orgasm, a hazy afterthought, moving along with the waves of her faint arousal. Deanna’s touch on her back and hip is very deliberate and the burning sensation between her thighs starts again.

“Don’t tell me you’ve had enough already,” Deanna purrs, teasing and loaded with her own arousal, and she all but pulls Beverly on top of her. Beverly thinks about what it must be like for an empath, to feel double flares of desire, and she realizes Deanna is probably always going to be the last to finish. She catches herself thinking that there's going to be an 'always' with Deanna.

“Not if you say it like _that_ – God, Deanna, you’re so – I want you,” Beverly says incoherently, her voice suddenly thick with abandon and lust, and their bodies start to move again with panting breaths, tangled legs and aching hands. In this position, Deanna can hold her completely – and something inside her screams that she shouldn’t let go just yet.

“You have no idea what you’re doing to me,” Deanna whispers. The friction of their legs and bodies moving together is a lot and their hands can’t seem to get enough. Deanna bites Beverly’s bottom lip, Beverly pinches Deanna’s nipple, Deanna drags her nails along Beverly’s spine, Beverly sucks at Deanna’s pulse-point, their hips buck against each other and unearthly groans fill the room.

“I’m so close,” Beverly moans, because she feels like Deanna is waiting for her signal.

Deanna kisses her neck and sucks the skin, breathing hot air over Beverly’s ear while she pulls her hair back ever so slightly but viciously. “Me too, oh gods I’m going to come,” Deanna moans, pure lust. That’s the push over the edge that Beverly needed – something shifts in her mind, a knot coming loose, shockwaves crashing into each other.

Their bodies sink comfortably into each other as soon as the tension is released. Beverly was right about wanting them so close together and the comfort of their embrace fills her with warmth – a warmth that seems to be reflected back at her. She wonders exactly how much Deanna can project empathically. Beverly strokes Deanna’s cheek to comb a curl behind her ear – somewhere, a part of her wants more, but she’s too overwhelmed by everything, the beauty of the woman in her arms, the fact that she’s in her arms, finally, after all this time that they’ve known each other; her scent, her quick breaths, the warmth of her skin. _How can she be so attractive?_ It takes a few moments for the fog to lift and her voice to come back. “My God, Deanna, why is everything so perfect with you?”

Deanna chuckles, mindlessly combs through Beverly’s wavy locks and kisses her lips. “This feels surreal,” she mutters, suddenly drained of energy and her ability to phrase her thoughts. Beverly tugs on the sheets that have mostly dropped to the floor and pulls them up to cover their bodies.

“Dee? Can I stay here?”

Beverly’s intention is unambiguous, but they both feel that the words mean more than just the night. Deanna kisses her red curls and nuzzles closer. “Stay forever.”

*

It isn’t nearly time to be awake yet, or at least, that’s what Beverly thinks when she feels movement underneath her.

“Give me my arm back,” a sleepy Deanna whispers.

She rolls over to free Deanna’s arm, but she turns quickly to hold her close to her chest. “No, don’t leave,” Beverly mutters, still half asleep.

Deanna sighs, trying to wrestle herself out of Beverly’s embrace. “Bev, I want to stay, too, but I really need to pee.”

Beverly groans and gives in, reluctantly. While Deanna is in the bathroom, Beverly learns from the computer that the time is 0713. She suddenly feels more awake – that’s a lot later than she’d expected.

When Deanna comes back, Beverly takes a moment to fully appreciate the beauty of the naked woman standing in front of her. There’s tingle of desire that slowly awakens in her loins. She bites her lip. “Come back,” she whispers, lifting the covers just enough to reveal a hint of her left nipple.

“Gods, you are irresistible,” Deanna laughs and she crawls under the sheets into the warmth of Beverly’s embrace. With her fingertips, she softly traces Beverly’s cheekbone, chin, neck, collarbone, then her breast. Beverly wanted to just wrap her arms around Deanna’s waist and pull her body close to her own, but the light touch that travels over her bones and lands on her nipple kindles the fire in her abdomen. “I think I still owe you something,” Deanna whispers hot and husky in her ear as she leans over and pushes Beverly to her back.

"You don't owe me anything, Deanna," Beverly says, but her voice drifts when Deanna trails the route down to her thighs with her fingertips, crawling through her curls before she lets her fingers slide through Beverly’s _very_ wet lips.

“Mmm, you must have had pleasant dreams,” Deanna grins.

A soft moan encourages her to repeat the motion and play with Beverly’s clit before replacing her finger with her tongue. This time, the moan is louder and it sends a visible shiver down Deanna’s spine. Beverly lets her body relax and enjoy the feeling of Deanna’s warm, wet tongue and the muffled moans that she can’t seem to suppress. _Wow, is she always this easily turned on?_ she thinks, a little surprised, which directly causes Deanna to halt and flash her a fiery look.

“Stop that if you want me to go on,” Deanna says.

Beverly blushes as she realizes that Deanna knows what she’s thinking. _This is going to take some getting used to._ “Please don’t stop,” she whimpers, and she can just about catch the wicked smile on Deanna’s face before she feels those lips back where they belong and throws her head back in enjoyment. She buries her hands in Deanna’s hair as if to push her closer and cries out loudly when she feels the fire spread from her loins through her spine and to the rest of her body.

“I could get used to waking up like this,” Beverly grins when she’s caught her breath again.

Deanna raises a playful eyebrow and nestles herself next to Beverly, head on her chest. “And I could get used to falling asleep like that.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way,” Beverly says, absent-mindedly playing with Deanna’s hair.

“It helps that I can sense how you feel,” Deanna replies.

She laughs. “That sure helps. But that’s not what I mean.” They lay in silence for a moment until Beverly finally, finally whispers the words that have been hanging between them since dinner, on the tips of their tongues while they explored each other around them. It might be too early to say, but they’ve been waiting for too long.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Deanna looks up with a broad smile – even though she probably knew that that’s what she meant, Beverly’s learned by now that she likes hearing the words anyway – and replies, with none of the uncertainty that had been in Beverly’s voice, “I love you too.”

“I didn’t say that,” Beverly says, although this isn’t a time where she wants to argue semantics. She’s just insecure and finds it difficult to admit.

“No, but it’s true.”


	8. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after and the ladies have to figure out where to go from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is *a lot* of dialogue, for some reason, but that's also my way of drawing some background DaForge in! Hope you enjoy.
> 
> As always, the comment box is open if you have feelings or opinions about this.

“So what do we do now?”

“We have breakfast,” Deanna deadpans.

Beverly rolls her eyes incredulously – _how does the woman keep her cool?_ – but can’t hide a smirk tugging on her lips. “I’d like to shower first, if that’s okay.”

“Of course,” Deanna replies, and the smile she gives then is so radiant and sweet and caring that Beverly forgets whatever she thought about keeping her cool.

“And after breakfast?”

“We’ll talk about that when we have some more clothes on.”

*

“So, what do we do?” Beverly sips her coffee, stretching the moments until ‘after breakfast’ arrives. Their conversation had had a natural flow and ease like always, but now that the food is gone, it feels like a decision has to be made. She worries too much about futures and possible outcomes, people tell her that often, but she only wants to be careful. She doesn’t have Deanna’s easy confidence and trust.

“What do you suggest?” This time, no deadpan, just an open question, to which any answer seems to be allowed – probably Deanna’s professional training comes in handy. Beverly hesitates, because she doesn’t exactly know what she wants, but Deanna saves her again. “You don’t have to know everything yet. For example, after breakfast, I have some reports to finish, Bridge duty, dinner with Will and a late appointment. But after that, if you want, I’d like to fall asleep next to you.”

She makes it sound so simple and Beverly falls in love all over again. Then again, she has a feeling this isn’t going to be the last time that happens. “I’d like that too, but I have the night watch on the Bridge.”

Deanna smiles. “Then maybe we can have breakfast again tomorrow and we’ll figure out where to go from there.”

Gradually, it begins to feel as easy as Deanna makes it sound, and Beverly’s eyes search for clarity in Deanna’s. She brushes back a lock of hair and her hand lingers on Deanna’s temple. “Why have we waited so long to do this?” It’s the wrong response, but she’d suddenly realized.

“I didn’t want to push you, and you were afraid to let yourself go. You needed time to accept your feelings and the potential consequences. And I would have happily waited longer if I’d had to. I think you knew I would.”

There’s just so much that doesn’t need to be discussed anymore, not after five years of friendship. Beverly gives her a knowing smile before changing the subject. “Maybe we should try to keep this to ourselves for now, until we figure out what exactly we’re doing.”

Deanna studies Beverly’s eyes – or probably rather what is behind them – for a moment and then nods. “Knowing the gossip mill of the Enterprise, it can’t be long until someone notices, but we could at least try.” There’s a clarity in Deanna’s expression that makes Beverly suspect that she’s figured out months ago exactly what’s going on between them, but she doesn’t ask. Somehow, deep down, she begins to think that she’s figured it out already, too – she just needs some time to get used to it.

*

When she has to scroll back for the third time to reread the same sentence, she’s about to give up on her plans to work on her research paper. As a last resort, she hopes a cup of tea will help her non-existent concentration, but on her way to the replicator, her thoughts are interrupted.

“Doctor Crusher, may I ask you a question?”

Beverly looks up and forces a distracted smile. “Yes, of course, Data, what is it?” She leans in conspiratorially. “Another dance lesson?”

“No, in fact, it has nothing to do with dance.”

“Oh, alright, well, ask away,” Beverly answers.

“Last night, around midnight, as I was walking back to my quarters, I heard Counsellor Troi scream your name in her quarters, and–”

“What?!” Beverly shouts quietly and pulls Data into her office.

“I said that I heard–” Data starts again.

“I heard what you said,” Beverly interrupts, “I’m just… I didn’t expect anyone to hear that.”

“Ah. Is something wrong, Doctor Crusher?”

Beverly shakes her head. “No, no, everything is fine, Data. What was it you wanted to ask?”

“Well, as I said, I heard a scream coming from the Counsellor’s quarters and some other sounds that I had never heard before. So this morning, I asked Geordi what they could mean, and–”

“You told Geordi about this?!” Beverly starts panicking. So much for their plan to keep it quiet.

Data looks confused. “Yes, as my best friend, I often ask him about human behaviour that I do not understand. I was concerned for your safety, since I could not determine whether there was any danger.”

Beverly sighs and reminds herself that Data is only trying to learn. “And what did he tell you?”

“He said that the most logical explanation would be that the two of you were having intercourse,” Data states matter-of-factly.

Beverly’s eyes open wide. “Data! Get your nose out of other people’s business!”

“I apologize if I have offended you, Doctor Crusher, that was not my intention. As I said, I was merely concerned for your safety,” Data says. His effort to make her feel less uncomfortable is only slightly effective.

Beverly pinches the bridge of her nose. _God, Howard, keep your cool. He doesn’t mean any harm._ “Thank you. There was no cause for concern, both Deanna and I weren’t in any danger.” She sighs and debates internally whether telling him the truth would make things worse; it probably wouldn’t. “We’re trying to keep this to ourselves and you shouldn’t discuss your fellow officers’ sexual activities anyway, but since you already seem to have deduced it – yes, we were indeed having… intercourse.”

Data nods and mimes zipping his mouth shut. “I will not share this information with anyone else. One more question, Doctor. Can I conclude from this that you and the Counsellor are involved in a romantic relationship?”

Beverly rolls her eyes. “Data, I’m not really ready to discuss that, okay? Yes, there is something going on between us, but we haven’t figured it all out yet. So for now, please keep it to yourself.”

Data looks confused, but he nods and stands up to walk out.

Her gaze drops to her PADD again, the plans for tea completely forgotten, but from the corner of her eye, she can see Data shuffling awkwardly in the doorway. She looks him over and her eyebrow quirks upward. “Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

“Actually, Doctor, there is. I was wondering how you and the Counsellor came to this arrangement.”

She scoffs. “ _Arrangement?!_ ”

“I am unsure how else to describe it. You said yourself that you cannot use the term ‘relationship’ at this stage, yet Geordi informed me that you appeared to be on a date yesterday evening. He attempted to explain to me how he could determine that it was romantic in nature, but there is much about romance that I struggle with, despite his best efforts.”

A small smirk appears on Beverly’s face. “So you admit there is romance between you and Geordi.”

“That is not what I said, Doctor.”

“You implied it.” She rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, Data, it’s true, you have feelings for him, admit it!”

“I do not –”

“– have feelings, yes, I know, but the pathways in your neural net have become accustomed to him.”

Data stares at his toes and hesitates – if she didn’t know better, she would have said he was nervous. “What I experience with Geordi I can only describe as that I care about him more than about anyone else.”

Beverly smiles triumphantly. “You’re in love with him.”

“For lack of a better phrase, I think that that would be an accurate approximation.”

Beverly smiles and looks into his yellow eyes. _Come on, be a good friend and help him understand his feelings. He already knows, so where’s the harm in telling him more?_ “Promise you won’t talk about it with anyone else?” Data nods. “I care about Deanna a lot, too. I think that feeling grew gradually from the moment we met. It took me a long time to acknowledge that at some point, my affection had tipped over from friendship to romance, but when I did, it was suddenly clear to me that we had both felt that way about each other for a while and that I had to take the initiative to actually do something about it.”

“I understand. The line between friendship and romance is also difficult for me to see. How did you know that you had to take the initiative?”

“Oh, mostly intuition, I think, but I also assumed that because she’s an empath, she already knew and she was probably waiting for me to come to terms with my feelings and show her that I’m ready.” She pauses. “I think that might be what’s happening between you and Geordi, too.”

Data nods. “It sounds logical that he would wait for me to realize what my experiences mean.”

“Precisely. And now that you know…”

“…you think that I should take the initiative?”

“I think you should. He cares about you a lot, Data, and I think even if he didn’t feel the same way – which is unlikely – he could still advise you about your feelings as your friend.”

“I am unsure how to approach the subject.”

“Just talk to him when you’re spending time together off-duty. Tell him that you are experiencing something that you think might be similar to being in love. That you value him as your friend, but you are starting to suspect that your feelings –” she holds up her hand in warning and for once, he doesn’t correct her “– for him extend further than that. Ask whether he would be interested in exploring those feelings with you.”

“Is that how you approached it with Counsellor Troi?”

Beverly chuckles. “No, it went quite differently for us, but that’s because we’re both familiar with the feeling of being in love, and because we were already relatively certain that we felt the same way about each other. It was only a matter of time before we acknowledged it and something more happened.”

“I understand. Thank you, Doctor.” He tilts his head. “And… what does one do, when ‘something more happens’?”

Beverly grins. “That’s something the two of you should discuss with each other. Since this is your first experience with romance, I would advise you to check in regularly. Especially if you want to be intimate with each other, ask if everything is okay before you take a next step. But he’ll know that you need his guidance in this, so I have no doubts you’ll be fine.”

“I will talk to him, Doctor. Thank you for your advice.”

“You’re welcome, Data. And good luck.”

*

The doors to Ten Forward slide open and Beverly barely has to look before her gaze immediately lands on Deanna. She wonders briefly whether it’s one of her empathic abilities to draw her in, but she brushes it off and walks over to Deanna and Will, who are just finishing their dinner. “Mind if I join you?”

“Beverly! Please,” Deanna smiles brightly and pulls up a chair. Will observes them inquisitively while the three of them ramble about their respective days.

“Oh, Dee, that reminds me,” Beverly interrupts herself, “have you talked to Geordi recently?”

Deanna smiles quizzically and shakes her head. “No, but I was thinking I should. And now I’m definitely thinking I should – what happened?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“Hold on,” Will interrupts, “‘Dee’? Nobody on the Enterprise uses that nickname, even I wasn't allowed to! Since when do you call her ‘Dee’?”

The women exchange looks for a second and Beverly starts to blush at the memory. _Probably when she was naked and on top of me._ A sense of relief when Deanna answers for her. “It just sort of happened organically as we grew closer. I call her ‘Bev’ all the time, so it seemed only fair, and she finds it cute. There are a few people in my life who could get away with it and Beverly is one of them.” It's not the whole truth and Will probably knows, but it deflects his attention enough for him to stop asking.

Will’s gaze flickers between them again and he holds up his hands in defence. “Okay, anyway, I was just leaving. Good night!”

As soon as he leaves, Beverly turns to Deanna. “So Data came by my office today.”

“Oh, is that why I should talk to Geordi?”

“Obviously,” Beverly smirks. “He came to ask my advice, because he –” she lowers her voice “– heard you scream my name last night and he discussed it with Geordi because he didn’t know what it meant. So they concluded that we’re together now and he wanted to ask my advice on how to approach Geordi about the feelings that he still maintains he doesn’t have.”

“Well, so much for keeping it to ourselves,” Deanna says as she leans in closer. “How cute is it though that they are finally admitting they have feelings for each other?”

Beverly snorts. “Do I detect a hint of superiority, Counsellor?”

“Not at all. But we’re way cuter.” She smiles triumphantly.

“Damn right we are,” Beverly grins. “Listen, I have to get to the Bridge, but breakfast tomorrow? It’ll be a bedtime snack for me or very late for you, but I don’t care about that as long as I can see you.”

“I have some early appointments tomorrow. Will you come over and wake me up after your shift?”

Beverly’s heart jumps, because that’s _exactly_ what she’s been daydreaming about. She resists the urge to kiss Deanna goodbye and resorts to giving her hand on the table a quick squeeze. “I’ll look forward to it,” she says and bites her lower lip to keep an upcoming enormous grin in check.

*

Beverly uses her override code to access Deanna’s quarters, takes off her boots and quietly walks up to the bed. _God, she’s beautiful._ She caresses Deanna’s temple and kisses her forehead. Deanna smiles immediately and slowly opens her eyes.

“The butterflies in your stomach woke me up,” she whispers.

Beverly nudges her over and crawls into the bed, pressing their foreheads together. “That’s how much I love you.”

Deanna chuckles and laces their fingers together, softly stroking the backs of Beverly’s hands. “Did the night watch give you clarity?”

“No, you did. I looked at you while you were sleeping and I thought: I want to wake up next to her every day.” It’s cheesy and she’s probably going too far too soon, but she’s tired and hopelessly infatuated.

“You look like you’d rather fall asleep next to me right now,” Deanna chuckles with that twinkle in her eyes that shines even in the dim light of the stars.

“I would.” Beverly yawns and nestles closer to Deanna. The anticipation of seeing her again had kept Beverly awake through her shift, but that effect is starting to wear off now that they’re here together and she’s slowly winding down.

Deanna kisses her cheek and stays there, nose in her hair. “I’m so in love with you, Beverly,” she whispers and her breath tickles her ear.

Beverly looks at their joined hands and then back into her eyes, kissing Deanna’s fingers. “I love you, Deanna, I can’t believe it took me so long to realize how true it is, but I love you.” Their legs are tangled and Beverly’s released one hand to wrap her arm around Deanna and pull her closer. If she weren't so tired, it would amaze her how easily they've fallen into this, whatever this is. “I just want to keep you here forever.”

Deanna sighs softly into the touch and nuzzles her collarbone. “What about breakfast?”

“I’m not hungry. Only for snuggles.”

“Beverly...” Deanna strokes her cheek and Beverly tilts her head to kiss her wrist, her palm, her fingers.

“Have I told you that I love you?” She yawns again and Deanna smirks.

“Yes, and I can sense how much you mean it.”

Beverly opens one eye to peer at Deanna with exhaustion-muted curiosity. “How does it feel?” Deanna kisses her cheek again and then the warmth of her skin seems to spread out through her veins and all around her. She closes her eyes and smiles. “That feels like you’re wrapping me in a warm, fuzzy blanket, but also from the inside.”

“This was just a shadow,” Deanna whispers, “I don’t want to overwhelm you. But you’re also projecting what you need right now.”

Beverly makes a tiny, happy noise, but she’s already half asleep, so Deanna gently disentangles their bodies and starts to peel off Beverly’s uniform. “No, I can do it, just let me –” she tries, but Deanna is already unhooking her bra and draping the sheets over her almost-naked body.

“You’re exhausted, Beverly. It’s okay, you can sleep here. I’ll come back before your shift starts,” Deanna says softly and kisses her forehead.

 _I can sleep here_ , Beverly thinks. She’d like that. The sheets are still warm and when she breathes in, the pillow smells like Deanna. It’s comforting.


	9. Date night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few weeks later, the ladies are starting to settle into being together and developing some routines. Deanna and Geordi practise their archery skills.

As soon as the doors whoosh closed, Beverly’s hands are on Deanna’s hips and pressing her up against the wall of the turbolift. Deanna manages to stammer “deck 8” to the computer before she wraps her arms around Beverly’s neck and draws her into a heated, open-mouthed kiss. Within seconds, they’re both panting and grasping for bits of each other’s flesh, trying to get closer through the layers of uniforms and underclothes separating their skin. “I’ve missed you,” Beverly whispers.

“You were sitting right next to me for the past hour,” Deanna teases.

Beverly buries one hand in Deanna’s hair and grabs her ass with the other. “That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

“You missed having sex with me,” Deanna says triumphantly. She did, too. It hadn’t even been that long, but being near Beverly was, well, arousing to the bone.

“I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

“I noticed,” Deanna purrs, her hand teasingly stroking around Beverly’s nipple. “How unprofessional, Commander.”

“Oh, stop it.” Beverly steals her lips.

“You know, I wasn’t behaving very Starfleet either,” she sighs when Beverly tilts her head back and exposes her neck, “thinking about my superior officer,” Beverly trails kisses over her jaw, then her neck and she moans, “mm, just taking me right there on the conference table…”

“ _Fuck,_ ” Beverly moans and sucks Deanna’s pulse-point while hungry hands pull her closer.

“…and how you’d make me scream so loud that people on the Bridge could hear it…” Deanna’s knees are weak with arousal, but she holds herself up with their kiss.

Beverly’s voice is husky when their lips part. “I could make you scream right now.”

The doors slide open and they snap back into officer mode, almost jumping out as if nothing happened. As they walk the corridor in silence, Deanna glances sideways with an amused grin – _does she even know where she’s going?_ “Don’t you have a shift to get back to?”

“I think so.”

Deanna chuckles and stops in front of her office. “Then why are you here?”

“I don’t know.” Beverly follows her inside and kisses her again.

“Beverly –” she wrestles herself out of the embrace, reluctantly “– I have an appointment in five minutes.”

Beverly sighs and pouts at the loss, but she leans their foreheads together and takes Deanna’s hands. “Okay. I’ll drag myself to sickbay.” The corner of her mouth quirks up and Deanna chuckles. “See you tonight? Dinner at my quarters?”

“I’d love that.”

She leans in close to her ear and drops her voice. “And after that I’ll make you scream. Promise.”

Deanna has to swallow, then, because Beverly’s gotten a little too good at that.

*

“Sorry I’m late, Geordi,” Deanna says as she half-stumbles through the door of the holodeck into the archery program that’s already running. “My appointment ran a little over.” She breathes in the artificial scent of the holographic trees around them – it calms her anyway.

“Not a problem. I hope you don’t mind I warmed up a little already,” Geordi says.

“Of course not. How are you doing so far?” Deanna grabs the equipment and takes a few breaths to centre herself, gets used to the feeling of the bow in her hand and practices drawing a few times before she lays on an arrow.

“Great, as you can see,” Geordi laughs, nodding towards the board, where two arrows are stuck on the far corners. “I feel like my aim hasn’t improved one bit since last week.”

Deanna chuckles as she takes her position. “I have a feeling you’re still doing better than I ever will.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine. By the way, I didn’t bother activating the instructor today, she got on my nerves.” He aims and shoots and hits the outer ring. “Well look at that! Three in a row that didn’t go flying into the forest!”

“I’m proud of you,” Deanna says. “Yeah, she made me very nervous too, so much that I think I was underperforming.” Geordi snorts and she glares at him, but it’s all playful. She aims, takes a deep breath and lets go. The arrow lands in the upper left corner – not even close to the rings, but at least she’s managed to hit the board, so that’s an improvement.

“Okay, okay, you’re doing better already!” He’s just being friendly, but she can sense a hint of pride from him and that pleases her. He’s obviously better at this than she is and in most situations she doesn’t like that, but Geordi is the kind of person with whom she feels comfortable nonetheless. Besides, it’s not like he’s _that_ good, so they can laugh at each other’s failings. “Can I give you a tip?”

“Yes,” she says. Another thing she appreciates is that he gives her tips not because he knows better, but because he wants to help – and he asks first, so if she wants to try to figure it out on her own, she can. She likes that.

“Maybe if you aim lower – I read that people usually aim too high for short distances like this.”

She considers for a moment, looks at the way she’s holding the bow, and tries to aim in a straight line towards the board. The arrow ends up in the outer ring on the right side. “Wow, that actually helped! Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Geordi says with that reassuring smile. They practise in comfortable silence, just listening to the rustling leaves and the sound of arrows hitting the board. Deanna hits a neighbouring tree only once and that was because she tripped and lost balance, not because her aim was bad, or at least she tells herself that.

Geordi wiggles a little and changes his posture. “Can you tell me if I’m standing up straight? I think I have the tendency to lean back too much.”

Deanna smiles and nods. That’s another reason why she appreciates learning new things with Geordi: he asks for her help, too. Professionally, there are too many cases where she’s convincing people to accept her help when they’re too stubborn to ask for it, and it’s nice to have a break, especially after three sessions which she spent doing exactly that. She observes him while he shoots and hums. “You’re right, you are leaning back a little when you aim.”

He adjusts his posture. “Is this better?”

“Yes, just stay like that.” Deanna watches the arrow hit the inner circle and feels a hint of pride herself. When she moves into position again, she’s more mindful of her own posture, too. She hits the middle ring and gasps in joy. Maybe there is a chance that she’ll get better at this after all.

“Yeah, nice job! You’re really making progress!” Geordi throws her a big, heartfelt grin and she lightens up.

“Thanks. At least it seems a little less likely that I’ll shoot your boyfriend in the stomach again,” Deanna says proudly.

Geordi’s head snaps around. “He’s not my boyfriend, Deanna!”

She presses her lips together to hide a knowing smirk. “If you say so,” she teases.

“He isn’t! All we’ve done is talked about his feelings, or whatever we should call it.” He’s obviously making an effort to come across annoyed despite the blush creeping up on his cheeks. She can sense his pleasant associations with their talk and knows there’s a lot more behind that statement, but she tries not to push the subject. “And by the way, aren’t you and the doctor also still in limbo?”

Deanna thinks about the way Beverly kissed her awake that morning, her lips pleasantly familiar from the night before, and how natural it felt; the way they interact and move around each other like they’ve been doing this for years. Her cheeks start to hurt and she realizes she’s been grinning at the memory. “Yeah, Beverly is still struggling a little with actually committing. But it’s okay, we have time.” She doesn’t want to waste it, though.

“You don’t struggle with that?”

“In the opposite way,” Deanna says and forces a reassuring smile. “I’m afraid that if she doesn’t commit, I’ll lose her. I know that’s not true, but that’s just how fear works.”

Geordi nods. “Yeah, I know the feeling. I’m sure she’ll come around, though. Just make sure you don’t forget to enjoy this part of being together – it’s very exciting.”

Deanna follows an arrow into the outer ring with her eyes and considers. She’s sure too, but she’s impatient. “Oh, we are definitely enjoying ourselves,” she says with a conspiratorial smirk.

“I thought so.”

She raises her eyebrows. “What do you know?”

“Well, you were, shall I say, _distracted_ during the briefing the other day,” Geordi grins. When Deanna looks confused, he taps his VISOR. “I see a lot of things, for example that both of you had higher than usual body temperature.”

Deanna blushes and her eyes fall to the floor. “Ah. Wow, that’s embarrassing.” _Glad he’s not a telepath._

He laughs and then she starts to laugh with him. “I’m sure it’ll settle down once the honeymoon phase is over. You’re probably better equipped to tell me, but I think this is quite normal behaviour for two people in love who have just started to be intimate with each other.”

“You’re right,” Deanna smiles. “We’ll get used to separating being together from being officers, I’m sure.” They return to firing arrows in silence, but Deanna misses a few times, distracted by the overwhelming happiness she senses from Geordi. It’s the kind of warm, bubbly contentment that friends feel when they are truly happy for someone they care about, and it makes her warm and content in return.

She can sense that blissful feeling drifting away – he’s probably longing for the moment he and Data will have a similar kind of romance – and tries for a distraction. “We’re watching a movie tonight. Beverly picked some kind of old Earth movie from the beginning of the 21st century, ‘Mamma Mia’ or something. Apparently, it was very popular at the time. I think she wants to watch it because she wants to put on a musical from that era and this one includes songs from this really famous band called ABBA. I had to look it up, but they sound like a big deal in Earth’s music history. Have you heard of them?”

Geordi thinks for a moment. “Yeah, yeah, that sounds familiar, my parents must have played me some of their songs when I was younger! You know, we moved around a lot, so they forced a lot of Earth’s cultural history on me to keep me rooted. I don’t think I’ve heard of this movie, though.”

“Really?” She smiles wistfully and for a fleeting moment, she wishes her mother had forced some Earth culture on her, too. “I’d have liked a crash course in Earth music as a teen, but the things I found on my own weren’t really my style,” she chuckles.

“Didn’t your mother ever explore those things with you?”

“No, most of it kept reminding her of my father and that still hurt too much while I was growing up, so instead, she attempted to make me fit in on Betazed. Which didn’t work, of course, especially when the other kids started to develop telepathy, but she raised me as a full Betazoid anyway.” Deanna sighs ruefully – she doesn’t blame her mother for the choices she made, of course, but in hindsight, she would’ve liked a stronger connection with her father’s heritage.

In the last few minutes of their holodeck time, they both manage to hit bullseye and Deanna squeals while Geordi gives her a high-five. It was probably on accident and she’d have no idea how to repeat it, but she gleams with pride nonetheless. “Go out on a high, they say,” Geordi grins.

“I’m proud of us,” Deanna says happily as they gather their belongings. “You know, why don’t you and Data come over for dinner some time?”

The grin gets bigger and Deanna senses an endearing rush of affection when she mentions Data’s name. “Data will probably see it as a learning opportunity,” he laughs. “It’s a good idea, I’ll ask him.”

*

Beverly arrives right on time, carrying a bottle of real wine and a selection of snacks, including real chocolate. Deanna’s eyes grow wide at the sight. “That’s the real stuff, isn’t it?! I think I love you, Beverly Howard Crusher.” She presses a kiss on Beverly’s lips before taking some of the food from her hands. “Here, let me help you.” She walks away to grab two glasses and tells Beverly to get comfortable while she opens the bottle.

Beverly takes off her shoes and settles on the sofa with the softest blanket she can find. “Where do you think the view is best?”

“Next to you,” Deanna replies smugly, handing her a glass. Beverly rolls her eyes because she’s being way too cheesy, but they’re having a movie date, so it’s allowed.

Deanna crawls underneath the blanket next to her, leaning on her shoulder. Intuitively, Beverly starts to play with Deanna’s hair and draw patterns her back. “Computer, activate movie program and play preselected file.” The computer obliges and when the lights go down, it feels almost as if they’re in a movie theatre, except that it is just the two of them.

Somewhere halfway through, they have switched positions and Deanna is in the corner, leaning against the armrest with her legs over Beverly’s lap. Beverly’s hands have naturally found their way to her thigh and she pushes the hem of Deanna’s dress up ever so slightly, but Deanna sighs and stops her. “Bev, I’m trying so hard not to think about sex right now… please don’t make it harder,” she says, playfully annoyed. Beverly chuckles, pulls her hands from underneath the blanket and focusses her attention back on the movie. Deanna grabs her hand and absent-mindedly plays with her fingers.

They both enjoy the movie without further distractions. It’s surprising, endearing, happy, and the ridiculous yet incredibly sweet plot makes them laugh out loud. Deanna doesn’t know much about the rest of Earth music, but she thinks the songs are quite nice, too, even by 24th-century standards. When the lights turn back on, Beverly runs a hand through Deanna’s hair. “I really enjoyed this, a true movie date. Thank you.” Deanna chuckles. “What?”

“There’s some chocolate on your face,” Deanna says bluntly.

Beverly blushes immediately and tries to wipe it off. “Where?”

Deanna smirks at the display – she’ll never get tired of seeing Beverly’s cheeks redden – and leans over, puts one hand on Beverly’s cheek to steady herself, and licks the chocolate from the corner of her mouth. She doesn’t lean back and Beverly immediately takes her chance. Suddenly, they’re kissing, urgently, passionately, hands finally finding the places they’ve refrained from touching during the movie. When their lips part, Deanna is grinning triumphantly.

Beverly raises an eyebrow. “I know that look. What is it?”

“I’m proud of us. From the moment you walked through that door, that must be at least two whole hours that we managed to keep our hands off of each other.”

“You were timing that?!” Beverly huffs.

Deanna shrugs. “I wanted to prove to myself that we could be a civilized couple and watch a movie together like grown-ups who don’t need to have sex all the time.”

“So this was just an experiment? I thought we were having a romantic, casual date night,” Beverly says, still not convinced.

Deanna caresses her cheek and hair to convince her. “No, of course, I really wanted to have a fun movie night with you. It’s just that I was also curious whether we would make it through the movie before one of us would break…”

“Oh, I’m broken alright,” Beverly laughs while she starts to kiss Deanna’s neck. “The anticipation almost killed me.” Deanna moans, the touch of her hands aching with desire. “So… I’m guessing you don’t want to watch the sequel now?” Beverly teases.

Deanna groans and swats at her with a pillow. “Just make love to me already!”

*

The next morning, Beverly is up early making a quick breakfast before their shifts start. Deanna stumbles into the living area, still in her nightshirt, and wraps her arms around Beverly’s waist from behind. “What’s all this? You’re way too sweet, I don’t deserve you,” she says softly as she nuzzles a kiss through Beverly’s hair into her neck.

“What, can’t I make breakfast for my girlfriend?”

It’s playful, but the amount of love in that statement is undeniably more than that. Deanna’s breath hitches and her cheeks turn just a couple shades darker. She takes an extra breath to calm her fluttering heart. “So I’m your girlfriend now?” _Is this her way of saying she’s made the decision?_

“Well, you called us a civilized couple yesterday, so I figured…” Suddenly Beverly’s expression turns concerned and she starts to correct herself apologetically. “But it doesn’t have to be that, I can say something else if you prefer, I mean, I don’t want to be presumptuous –”

The broad smile on Deanna’s face radiates her happiness as she interrupts. “No, Bev, of course you can call me your girlfriend, I’d love that. Only on one condition.” She can’t pause for too long and leans in with twinkling eyes. “Will you be mine?”

Beverly snorts. “You make it sound like we’re twelve years old.” She shakes her head, wraps her arms around Deanna and rests their foreheads together. “Yes, yes, I will,” she whispers, and it means a lot more than she lets up behind that playful smirk. “Now hurry up before your toast gets cold.”

*

“Will, how many times have I told you to be more careful on the holodeck? You have a responsibility to this ship!”

“Yes, mom,” Will jokes and Beverly glares at him. Then he eyes her suspiciously. “Wait a minute! Your lipstick...”

“What? Is something wrong with it? Is it on my teeth?” Beverly swipes the skin around her lips and licks her teeth.

“No, I saw that before... on Deanna! And those hairpins look an awful lot like hers, too! What’s going on here?”

 _Shit. Play cool._ “What do you mean? We borrow each other’s stuff all the time.” She barely believes her own excuse.

Will begins to grin. “Yes, but I’ve never seen both of you blush the same shade as that lipstick when I say something about it!”

“Maybe I just feel flattered that you noticed.” _Stop blushing, damn it._

“No, no, there’s something more. Come to think of it, you two arrived together at the staff meeting this morning!”

“Well, that would make sense if I borrowed Deanna’s lipstick, wouldn’t it? We had breakfast together,” she says innocently.

“Beverly.”

 _He’s really not letting this go, is he?_ She sighs. “What, Will?”

“Did you spend the night with Deanna?”

Beverly rolls her eyes. “Oh, fine, yes, we watched a movie together and I almost fell asleep on the couch, so we decided to have a sleepover. That, too, is nothing out of the ordinary. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to check on my other patients.”

Will hums in disbelief with an amused grin. “Sure, if you say so. Good bye, Beverly.”


	10. Definitions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some stressful things happen and some old feelings are stirred up. A lot of emotional talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert: This chapter takes place around the episode “I, Borg” and refers to what happens during that episode. I recommend watching it before reading, though it’s not essential (you’ll just be a little confused for a few paragraphs if you haven’t seen it). There's also a not-very-explicit spoiler about Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again! - I think if you haven't seen the movie, you'll still gather from the context the image that they're talking about.
> 
> There's little (too little for my liking, but it's happening anyway) actual plot/development in this chapter, but at least they're getting closer and more comfortable together.

“Deanna… what exactly is happening between us?” They’ve been walking in silence for at least half an hour – comfortable silence, but Beverly’s head is spinning nonetheless.

Deanna peers at Lake El’nar and the way it shimmers in the light of the holographic afternoon sun. It’s a program she created in her first week on the Enterprise, when she missed home more than she does now. It took years before she’d shared it with Beverly. “Something magical.”

Beverly stops at the corner of the path and waits until Deanna looks back at her. “Love?”

“Yes, that’s for sure – I’ve always loved you. But there’s something else, something beautiful.”

“What kind of something?”

Deanna sighs with a hint of annoyance, but it’s probably mostly because she’s tired. She motions for them to sit down on a rock where they can see the sun set over the lake. “Beverly, do you have to define everything? It’s not rocket science we’re talking about here, you can turn off the academic analysis.”

“Well… no, of course not. I just need to know how serious you are, if you’re in it for the long run,” Beverly answers.

Deanna cups her cheek with the kind of tenderness that lets her feelings show through. “I’ve known for a long time that we were going to be in each other’s lives. It was a gut feeling, it just clicked. When we first met, I thought it was going to be as a friend and a valued colleague. But then we started hanging out more, and I started to feel butterflies whenever we touched, and I wasn’t sure whether the butterflies were in my stomach or yours, but they felt good. Really good. And I started to love you like that, too. But it was love, a friendly love, from the day we met and that undercurrent of our friendship will always be there – and it’s strong, I don’t think it’ll ever simply go away.” She strokes Beverly’s temple to push a lock of hair behind her ear. “So if you want definitions, yes, I’m in it for the long run. At least as your friend, but if you’ll allow me, I want to fall asleep in your arms every night and wake up next to you every morning. I want to be with you completely. I love you, Beverly, and I don’t know how to define it – you’re my best friend, wrapped in something magical. Does that make any sense?”

Beverly wraps her hand around Deanna’s on her cheek and leans into it. “Yes. Yes, it does.”

“I know I don’t really need to ask, but how serious are you?”

“I guess that’s fair,” Beverly laughs, a little shy. “Deanna, I… it’s difficult for me to say, but,” she pauses for a moment and looks into Deanna’s eyes, finding that open gaze that always makes her want to admit truths that she’d hidden from even herself. “I want you in my life, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so sure about anything before.” She sees in Deanna’s eyes that she doesn’t need to explain why that’s difficult for her to admit, so she doesn’t, because it would hurt to hear the words come out of her mouth, to say his name in an inevitable comparison to Deanna. As though that would make her past love less truthful, which it isn’t, but nevertheless she’s scared that it might.

Deanna has that understanding gaze when their eyes meet. “When did you know?”

“Oh, it’s embarrassing,” Beverly groans, blushing. “I had a dream once, about you, it was quite a sexy dream.” She takes a breath and looks at Deanna through her lashes. “We were getting high together, and then I asked you to have sex with me. I – oh God,” she giggles, burying her face in her hands, “so we had sex, and it was amazing, but then I woke up and you weren’t there. Then I went back to sleep and you were back in my arms, and we had more sex, I completely let myself go, and the whole time I just felt like my feelings were too big to fit inside my body, you know, because it felt _so good_ , and I didn’t understand why it felt so real, but I was so comfortable with you, and suddenly I just realized that I never wanted to let you go. So when I woke up, you know, sweaty and orgasm-faced and all that, I thought, if this is what it could feel like in real life, I’m a fool for not admitting that and denying myself the possibility of that kind of happiness. I guess that was sort of the kick in the butt that I needed to ask you out on that holodeck date.” She feels her cheeks burn and laughs, avoiding Deanna’s gaze.

Deanna chuckles. “I think I know why it felt so real.”

Beverly blushes even more as she sits up and her eyes grow wide. “What?!? Are you saying we–”

“No, no, it was a dream,” Deanna interrupts with a hand on her arm. “I know that, and I was laughing because I had that dream too. I swear at first I didn’t realize I was actually picking up your dream, I thought it was just in my own head, but we must have been connected somehow.”

“That sounds like we had sex without even knowing it.”

“Well, you could see it that way, I suppose. The feelings were quite intense and realistic, even for me.” She pauses to give Beverly a reassuring smile. “But it felt good. I think that’s when I realized, too. That something had to happen for real.”

Beverly shakes her head and her gaze drifts over the surface of the lake, reflecting the pinkish hue of the sky. It’s really a beautiful place and she understands why Deanna misses it. “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we? That we needed to be unconsciously high and have sex in our dreams before we dared to go on a date together.” That makes them both chuckle.

“You were insatiable, you know,” Deanna teases.

Beverly swats at her and her confidence starts to come back. “Don’t shame me! You enjoyed every second of it.”

Deanna laughs and bites her lip. “I’m sorry. You were just so adorable, you kept trying to get even closer, as if my arms around you and our bodies glued together still wasn’t enough. And even half asleep you kept mumbling how much you wanted me.” Beverly makes a face. “I’ll stop.”

“Thank you.”

Deanna turns serious. “Do you remember you said you loved me?”

“I said that?!”

“Yes. And I said ‘I love you too, Beverly’ and you told me you never wanted to let me go. And then you fell asleep on me, snoring, and I was just lying there with you in my arms, crying and thinking about how you make me feel warm and fuzzy inside and how I never want to let you go either.” Her voice is soft and suddenly open and honest.

“Really?” Beverly takes Deanna’s hand and plays with her fingers. “I must have felt that, because I haven’t slept that comfortably in years, and when I woke up, I was sure there was nothing in the universe that could keep us from being together.”

Deanna smiles and holds Beverly closer. “You know, I may have helped a little to give you that release without the guilt you would have talked yourself into.” When Beverly pulls back and makes a face again, she laughs. “It was all because I care about you so much! I felt for you, because you needed it so badly, because it had been so long since someone touched you like that. I hoped you would allow yourself to really feel comfortable afterwards, because you were exhausted, so I helped you a little with that. The only thing I did was project more intensely what you were already asking for.”

Beverly scoffs and stands up, stretching out her hand to help Deanna up. It’s getting dark and they should be heading back – and she likes that they decide that wordlessly. Of course, they could just end the program, but there’s no fun in that. “So because I’m so touch-starved, you made me have real orgasms instead of just a mild sex dream?”

“Maybe. To be fair, I also cuddled you to sleep afterwards.”

*

Deanna peers over the rim of her cup. “You’re worried about him.” They know each other well enough that she doesn’t have to explain who, why or how she knows.

Frustrated, Beverly throws her napkin on the table, next to the remnants of her breakfast. “Of course I am. He was _plotting genocide_ right in front of the crew and no one tried to stop him but me!”

“I know. I’m worried about him, too.”

“He really scared me. Jean-Luc is a lot of things, but he isn’t someone who makes these kinds of decisions lightly, without giving it a second thought. I know the Borg are dangerous and if we don’t get to them first, they will get to us. But that doesn’t justify this! He’s obviously biased.”

“Of course he is. It’s revenge. He just doesn’t see it, that he’s traumatized.” Deanna bites off a piece of bread a little more aggressively than intended.

“Exactly. I mean, of course I had my doubts, but that’s the issue with being a doctor, you take an oath to do no harm and that includes the Borg. He was a young boy, injured, scared, lonely and homesick. My job is clear in that kind of situation. For a Starfleet Captain, the rules are a little different, I know that, but I’m sure his moral compass would have told him not to do it if it had been any other species.” Beverly sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t press you to discuss your patients with me.”

“It’s okay, I’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know. Besides, you’re a fellow medical professional, I can trust you with confidential information about our patient.” Beverly flinches at the word ‘patient’ – it sounds so clinical for someone so close to her. Deanna gives her a reassuring smile when she notices and takes her hand. “He’s your friend, too. I’m just glad he didn’t go through with it.”

“I’m glad we didn’t get assimilated,” Beverly scoffs cynically.

Deanna’s expression turns from comfort to professional concern. “Maybe we shouldn’t make jokes like that around the Captain just yet.”

“You’re right.” She sighs, thinks of ways to change the subject. Deanna worries more than she lets up, Beverly knows that by now, reads the subtle signs in her expression. “I’m also sorry we didn’t get to watch part two of that movie when we planned to. Do you want to watch it tonight? I think we could both use the distraction.”

At that, Deanna looks up and smiles, a hint of relief starting to shine through. “That sounds great. You know, we could make it a weekly thing, movie night – maybe it’ll keep us sane to have something regular, to keep our minds off of all the crises.”

“I like that idea. Who knew you’d be so much fun to date,” Beverly winks.

She smirks back and raises an eyebrow in playful warning. “Of course I’m fun. What did you expect?”

“Oh, I don’t know, endless psychological analyses of my feelings while I try to distract you with medical technobabble? Just me sitting here while you read my mind and sense that I’m uncomfortable and afraid of commitment but also madly in love with you?” A spark tingles through her spine, because she’s always tried to mask the truth with jokes, but she knows Deanna will see through it.

Deanna swats and glares at her, but there’s a hint of a smile she can’t hide. “I guess I should get used to waking up in the middle of the night while you run a tricorder over me every time I’m a little hot.”

“You’re always hot.”

Another glare, but the pink undertone of her cheeks makes it playful and a soft smile breaks through. “Thanks. It’s in my genes.”

“I know, I’ve read your medical file.”

“You’re weird.”

Beverly raises an eyebrow. “Is that your professional diagnosis?”

“No,” Deanna hesitates and briefly glances at the table before meeting Beverly’s eyes. “My professional diagnosis is that I have a terrible case of infatuation, which makes me vulnerable to being distracted by your behaviour and consequently call you out on it even though what I say makes no sense. It is my personal opinion that you are utterly lovable, but I attempted to mask that opinion by stating that you’re weird, even though that is not at all what I intended to communicate.”

Beverly chuckles and kisses Deanna’s cheek. “I love you too, my darling psychologist.”

*

When they finally manage to watch the second movie late that evening, they play a civilized couple all the way through. The ending has them both sobbing, especially Beverly, but Deanna can easily get dragged along in this sort of emotion. Especially with the undertone of worry about their captain’s mental health – who is not only their respected commanding officer, but also a close friend and constant reminder of their life with Jack to Beverly, and by the way she looks up to him, almost a father-figure to Deanna, at least in the sense that this ship is her home and her family –, they’ve both been feeling emotionally on edge and the movie triggers memories of their respective losses. There isn’t much to say while feeling clouds the room, so they sit in silence, leaning on each other and just letting the tears run. They don’t need words, at least not now. Not for the loss of a parent, a child.

“Wow, I did not see that one coming,” Beverly finally whispers into Deanna’s curls. She'd thought they were old wounds, but it's clear that they aren't healed.

Deanna chuckles and looks at her with concern and support. It’s not the first time in their friendship of many years that they’ve sought out each other’s shoulder to cry on, and in the beginning, Deanna always had to reassure Beverly that just sitting like this is fine, and that she can talk when she’s ready, if she wants. By now, that understanding has become silent; Beverly knows that she doesn’t have to rush to explain and can simply let the words find their way into sentences at their own pace. In the meantime, Beverly lets Deanna’s presence comfort her and wonders how Deanna still manages to radiate warmth and calm even when she’s distressed herself.

“It is cathartic, isn’t it,” Deanna says, more into the space around them than to Beverly in particular.

Beverly nods softly against the crook of Deanna’s neck and draws random patterns on her arm. “I used to think about that quite often, you know. When I was young and Jack and I were just starting to get serious, talking about getting married and having kids, things like that – it made me sad, because I always had this thought in the back of my head that I’d have to do those things without my parents by my side. I didn’t know how long Nana would be there, if she would be there for all of those important moments. I felt sad that my father couldn’t give me away, and that my mother had to miss guiding me into motherhood myself, meeting her grandchild… Now Wesley has to do all of those things without his father, too, and I just feel –”

Her breath hitches and she bites away a new tear before she manages to articulate. “Well, guilty, almost, that I can’t be Jack for him. And then that scene in the church, with the reflection of her mother, it just really got to me, because – I mean, Wesley wasn’t baptised or anything, of course – but that was exactly the kind of moment where I missed her the most, and I know he’s going to miss his father too, how much it’s going to hurt when he has those moments.”

Deanna just nuzzles Beverly’s cheek and combs through her hair with her fingers, letting the tears soak through her dress as Beverly nestles back into her chest. “It’s funny, because those were also the moments when I felt closest to my mother, felt like she was there with me, in some form or other. Like the reflection in the church. Like she was watching over me.”

“I think she is watching, and she’s very proud,” Deanna whispers, and Beverly smiles, because she could swear she actually feels Deanna project warmth empathically. “It’s okay to miss them, you know. And it’s also okay to feel like you don’t need them at the same time.”

Beverly leans back a little and looks up with a sceptical eyebrow. “Do you say these counsellor-things to yourself, too?”

Deanna chuckles and strokes her cheek. “Actually, yes. It’s a different situation, of course, but I can sense the way you miss your parents, and it feels very similar to the way I miss my father. And whenever I feel that, I do actually tell myself that it’s okay to have that double feeling. That I’m allowed to be proud of what I’ve accomplished without him, that it’s okay to have accepted his loss, and at the same time still feel sad that he isn’t here to guide me and see all of this. Even us counsellors have to remind ourselves of that sometimes.” She pauses for a moment. “I’m also quite sad that I can’t introduce you to him.”

That brings another smile to Beverly’s face. “Oh, we’re talking about meeting the parents now, are we?”

“Well, you already know my mother, like the rest of this entire ship…” Deanna rolls her eyes and they both laugh.

“I do know what you mean. I’d love for you to meet my parents, too,” Beverly says. “To share with them that I have found someone I love very much.” She pauses while Deanna smiles and lets out a soft “aww”. “Thank you, Deanna, for always being such a comfortable shoulder to cry on, and for your words of wisdom. I know it’s your job, but you’re a really good counsellor.”

Deanna smiles and wraps Beverly tighter in her arms. “I’ve never felt so comfortable as I feel with you. I’m glad we can talk about missing our loved ones like this, you know.” Beverly frowns up, sensing that there’s more to that statement, and Deanna meets her eyes. “On Betazed, grief is often shared on just an empathic level, like many emotions. I always felt the urge to put the things I was feeling into words; I felt that saying them out loud helped me express them for myself and to understand them. But among empaths, I didn’t get the opportunity to articulate my feelings often, so I struggled to wrap my head around them. It’s part of why I became a counsellor, to help people through that process.”

“I never considered the disadvantages of empathy,” Beverly says softly and presses a kiss to Deanna’s collarbone. She suddenly understands why Deanna feels such a strong fascination and attachment to words. “I’m sorry you had to struggle with that.” Deanna says nothing and pulls her closer.


	11. (Not) Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting serious and it may be time to stop hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little short in comparison (or rather, the last few have been longer than I was aiming for). I keep moving around parts and trying to figure out a logical sequence. It's kind of a slow part, but I want to show them settling in.  
> Anyway, we're nearing the halfway point of what I've written so far; who knows how much I'll expand in the meantime, but just to give you a sense of what's to come!

When Beverly wakes up, her left arm is sleeping underneath Deanna’s cheek and her right hand is tangled in Deanna’s nightshirt. She tries to move and Deanna squirms, finds her right hand underneath the shirt and pulls it tighter. “Dee – please, I can’t feel my arm.” Deanna sighs and rolls onto her stomach, grunts into the pillow. Beverly shakes her released left arm and bites through the uncomfortable sensation of pins and needles.

Deanna shivers, lifts her head from the pillow, turns again and crawls closer to Beverly. “I’m cold. You’re warm. Come closer.” Beverly wants to be annoyed, but she has to smile and kiss Deanna’s forehead when she nuzzles the crook of her neck. They’ll have to get up soon, but those few stolen moments between sleeping and being awake have become the highlight of her day since she started sharing a bed with Deanna.

A hand drifts over her chest, then her stomach, her hip and then up again. Deanna’s nose – which is way too cold to be allowed to touch her skin – nuzzles her neck again and is followed by a kiss, and another. She sighs – half exasperated, half turned on. “Deanna…”

“Yes?” It’s innocent and playful and soft, and she knows full well the effects of that tone.

“We don’t have time for this.”

“I can be quick.” As if to prove it, Deanna slings a thigh over Beverly’s, effectively parting her legs, and then her hand is in Beverly’s underwear. A rush of arousal runs through her and she’s surprised at how easily she can get in the mood. It’s been a few years since she’s had this. “Just tell me to stop,” Deanna purrs, but she must know there’s no turning back now.

“No, don’t stop…” She couldn’t, not now that Deanna’s fingers flick her clit and she rushes lazily towards an orgasm. Beverly bends her leg and Deanna moans, arches her back to rub against her thigh. Beverly moans too, then, because one of those flicks hits just right, makes her knees twitch and her hips buck into Deanna’s. Her eyes are still closed – had she ever opened them? – and their bodies moving together feel even better that way, now that she gets lost in the heat and the skin and the messy hair in her face and the shirt that keeps twisting further around where she’s gripping Deanna’s hip.

“Mm, Beverly…” It’s almost a plea and it brings back her focus for a moment before she gets lost again in Deanna’s hot breath in her neck – are those teeth? – and she comes, quick and quiet and sudden and satisfying. They’re both too sleepy to have any awareness of their surroundings, but when she opens her eyes, Deanna is lying on top of her, panting, hand stilling in Beverly’s underwear and softly rocking her hips through the aftershocks of her own orgasm.

There’s definitely a burning sensation above her collarbone, she begins to notice now. Beverly rolls her eyes and strokes Deanna’s hair out of her face. “Did you bite me?”

“Mm. It’s possible. Love you,” Deanna murmurs and wraps an arm around her waist. Beverly lets her – they still have a minute or two to spare.

*

“I’m tired of hiding,” Beverly suddenly whispers into Deanna’s curls while they wait for the replicator to make coffee. It’s not really a two-person job, but she wasn’t ready to let go yet when they had to get out of bed, so she’s been seeking snuggles all through their morning routines. Deanna twists in her embrace to face her with a questioning look. She swallows, her mouth going dry while she searches for the right words. “Talking about our parents got me thinking – if we’re both in it for the long run, do you think it might be time we start telling people about this? You know, actually behave like a couple in public?”

Deanna smiles as if she’s been waiting for this conversation – she probably has. “It’s your call. I would scream it off the proverbial rooftops, you know that.”

Beverly looks down shyly. “Yeah, I’m getting a little tired of sneaking around, too.” She chuckles. “I suppose it’s not going to be long before rumours spread anyway, I mean, Geordi and Data already know and I think Will’s suspecting something, too. But I’d like to talk to Wesley before we tell anyone else, make sure he’s okay with it.”

“Of course,” Deanna says, “he’s your son, you should talk to him first.”

“Okay,” Beverly nods. “I’ll call him later today. I’m having breakfast with Jean-Luc tomorrow, I think he should hear it from me, too. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes, that’s perfect. I’ll talk to Will later tomorrow, see how much he’s figured out already.” Deanna runs a hand through Beverly’s hair. “I’m sure the news will just spread on its own after that, if it hasn’t already.”

Beverly smiles and leans into the touch. “You know, I love you so much, I just don’t want to keep that to myself any longer.”

“I love you too,” Deanna hums against Beverly’s lips. “Mm, but… can I put off talking to my mother about this? Just for a little while?”

“You’re going to have to tell her at some point, Dee… or she’s going to hear it through the Starfleet grapevine, and if that happens, she’ll hate me forever.”

“She can’t hate you, you’re lovable.” Beverly makes a face and she sighs. “I know, I know, and I love her, but I really don’t have enough energy for her today. The woman is exhausting!” Deanna makes a disgruntled noise and Beverly kisses her until her scrunched-up nose relaxes again. “Okay, okay, I’ll call her. Just not yet.”

“Good. She’d like that.” A child could never call too often for a mother’s liking. She files away a note to call Nana, too.

*

The captain shifts uncomfortably in his seat, staring at his plate and the half-eaten croissant. Beverly leans back and observes him intently. Things may have been a little tense between them since the incident with Hugh, but she still knows him better than anyone else on the ship, and there’s something going on. “Spill it, Jean-Luc.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Beverly.”

“You’re frightened. Something happened that you’re uncomfortable with. It bothers you and you’re afraid that it will interfere with your duties.”

He gives her a look that tells her she’s right and she shouldn’t push it. “I’m beginning to think you’re spending too much time with Deanna.”

Beverly’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second before she regains control, but he notices, of course. “What makes you say that?”

“You’re beginning to sound like her.” He raises an eyebrow – the blush creeping up on her cheekbones must have betrayed her.

She flashes him a look that is more amused than insulted, then looks down into her coffee cup and sighs. “I suppose we have been spending more time together than usual.” She looks back up at him and smiles, but he gives away no indication of what he’s thinking, only nods for her to continue, so she does, reluctantly. “That would be because we’re in a relationship.”

Even if he had known before she said the words, a hint of surprise still flashes over his eyes and he looks slightly uncomfortable – possibly choking away his own feelings for her; even though he’s never said it out loud, she knows, she can read him too well not to. He says nothing, probably doesn’t know what to say without sounding disappointed, but he gives her a faint smile, so she continues.

“It’s still very new, I mean, it’s also very familiar already, of course – but in the sense that we’re still figuring out how it works, I guess, how this change in our relationship fits in. But it feels good, really good.” She can feel her cheeks burning just thinking about it, about her, but feels completely unable to wipe the grin off her face.

“I can see it makes you very happy,” he replies, tries to sound neutral.

“She does.” She sighs and walks over to him, can’t think of any other way to express her feelings and their friendship than to embrace him. “I’m in love, Jean-Luc. I really didn’t think I’d feel love like this again.”

He pulls her back and meets her eyes. “I’m happy for you, Beverly. You always deserved to find that again.” And then, suddenly, she’s crying, barely audible, tears of mainly relief and the intense affection she feels from him (she briefly wonders whether Deanna’s empathic abilities are indeed rubbing off on her), and then also tears of grief, because she doesn’t have to explain to him how much it hurts her, still, to open herself up to love. They are both too concerned with Jack’s memory, always aware, always carefully treading their way around his absence. “So it’s that serious, hm?”

Beverly’s nodding even before the extent of the implications of that question dawns on her – but it _is_ that serious that she feels like she’s treading around Jack, it couldn’t not be that serious with Deanna. “I love her, Jean-Luc. I don’t know how it could have taken me so long to figure that out. Now that I see it, it’s like it’s been staring me in the face for at least three years.” She sits back down and sips her coffee, then pulls a face when she realizes it’s gone cold.

“Sometimes these things take time to figure out,” he says, a knowing look behind his eyes.

“Are you surprised?”

“Yes and no,” he says. “I think because you’ve always been such close friends, I’d never considered the possibility of it being something more than that, but at the same time, that makes it all the more logical.”

She sees through him again. “Because we’re friends or because we’re both women?”

“Well, I also didn’t expect you might fall for a woman, no. Not that I’m opposed to it–” he gestures in defence “–but it just didn’t occur to me.”

“That makes two of us,” she grins, “though I think there’s something about this particular woman that makes me so comfortable.”

“She’s wonderful, she really is. I think if she feels the same way about you – which I can’t imagine she doesn’t – you two will be great together. You’re both very lucky.”

Beverly smiles. “Thank you, Jean-Luc. That means a lot.”

He clears his throat and finds his captain-voice again. “Yes, well, just don’t let it interfere with your duties. I don’t want any kissing on the bridge or that sort of stuff.”

Beverly laughs and shakes her head. “There will be nothing of the sort, I promise.”

“Good.”

“Now, you’ve managed to effectively avoid telling me what’s bothering you, but don’t think you can get away with it next time!”

He shakes his head and sighs. “You know me too well, Beverly.”


	12. Teasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more slightly awkward conversations while their relationships grows more serious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so much talking! I know! Next chapter will go a lot deeper into their feelings. For now, here's some General Riker-Bashing and a poker game.

Deanna is just about to take a sip of hot chocolate when Will approaches her in Ten Forward. “Hi,” she tries to say confidently, but it comes out tired.

“Hi,” he grins back and leans in to greet her with a kiss. She resists a little and pulls back after a quick peck – part of her hopes he didn’t notice her hesitation, but of course he did. He knows her too well. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I – that’s what I wanted to talk about, actually.” She gestures for him to sit down and takes his hand on the table. She inhales deeply – there’s no easy way to say this, so just out with it. “Beverly and I are in a relationship.”

Even if she hadn’t been an empath, she could’ve seen in his face the whirlwind of emotions rushing through him. On the surface, there’s puzzlement, curiosity, delight; underneath, there’s a knot in his stomach that he doesn’t try to hide from her, because he knows he couldn’t. Finally, he settles on a smile. “I’m happy for you,” he says, and he means it, even if he doesn’t feel it completely yet.

She squeezes his hand. “Thank you. I’m very happy too.”

He searches her eyes and starts to laugh. “Oh, you have it bad, Troi. You’re blushing even thinking about her.” He masks his pain with jokes and teasing, like always, and this time she lets him. The rest will come later.

“Shut up, Will.” She’s only annoyed because he has that smug smile that says he knows he’s right.

“She’s that good, huh?” Deanna rolls her eyes and he holds up his hands in defence. “I’m just saying – it takes someone very special to make you fall this hard.”

“And you’d count yourself among those very special people, I assume,” she teases back.

“Of course, imzadi.” She flinches a little at the term of endearment. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t call you that anymore.”

“No, it’s okay.”

His expression turns serious. “I mean it, you know. She’s a very special person and you fit well together. I don’t know why I’ve never considered the possibility that you’d run off with her, but it makes a lot of sense.”

She chuckles. “That’s about the same way I feel. When we kissed for the first time it was as though we’d already been in a relationship, it just never showed itself before. It feels right.” She starts blushing again – he’s right, she can’t think about Beverly without her cheeks turning bright red. “It was inevitable, so we had the luxury of taking it slow, unhurried. I would have waited longer if I’d had to. She’d come around eventually, I knew that.”

He grins and pats her hand. “Damn, poker games are going to be hell if you team up on us poor men. Senior staff meetings too! How are we supposed to deal with your combined forces?”

“Maybe you should just get over yourself and accept that we’re right,” Deanna ponders teasingly. “And of course we’d never cheat at poker.”

*

“So Wesley knew it already – or I mean, he didn’t know for sure, but apparently some old friends of his saw us together and asked if he knew anything about it, so he suspected. He’s happy for us. He even said you’re in his top five of people on this starship he’d like to see me spend my life with.” Beverly pours two cups of tea – from a real teapot, because she keeps insisting that it doesn’t taste as good if the replicator makes it – and lets the steam from her cup warm her nose.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Deanna smiles. Wesley’s approval means a lot to her – to both of them. Beverly makes a face. “What is it?”

“He said he doesn’t want me to be alone out here.” She snorts. “As if I’m some old and lonely lady who can’t take care of herself.”

“You know that’s not what he meant,” Deanna says. There’s a bigger fear behind it that Wesley’s remark stirred loose, but she saves poking into that feeling for another time.

Beverly rolls her eyes. “I know. He just doesn’t want to think of his mother as someone capable of romance.”

“If I may say so, you’re an expert at romance in my opinion.” Deanna winks and her eyes drift over Beverly’s figure.

“You’re such a flirt,” she laughs and shakes her head to hide the blush. “Jean-Luc doesn’t want us to kiss on the bridge, but otherwise, he’s happy for us, although I think he would have never expected me to fall in love with a woman.” That conversation, too, stirred something that Deanna knows will have to wait until Beverly’s sorted through her feelings enough to articulate them.

“Really? I wouldn’t have thought him to be so close-minded. You’ve always been open to all kinds of love, at least in my experience.”

“Yes, well, there’s a lot that I’ve told you over the years that I don’t talk about with Jean-Luc. He wasn’t opposed to it, just surprised. I guess he’s only seen me with men and drawn his conclusions that that’s my preference.” She takes a sip of her tea – a clear indication not to go deeper into that topic. “So how did it go with Will?”

Deanna grunts; Will’s a whole other story that she’s not ready to deal with either. “About as well as you’d expect. He had the feeling that there was something going on, and he’s happy for me, for us, of course, but I know that it hurts. I mean, we both had our flings over the years, it’s never been much of a problem. But I think he knows that this is more serious than that. I could sense the knot in his stomach.”

Beverly raises her teacup with a bittersweet smile. “Well, here’s to breaking our best friends’ hearts. Maybe they can have a drink together and sulk over their lost romances.”

“I don’t think either of them would admit to that much feeling,” Deanna laughs and raises her cup as well. “To breaking their hearts, and stealing yours.”

*

Beverly is already at the poker table with Will, Geordi and Worf when Deanna walks in. “Sorry, I got called away after dinner,” she says while sliding into the seat between Beverly and Will. Casually, she rests her hand on Beverly’s shoulder and kisses her on the mouth. “Hey,” she says, softly, and it all feels as though they’ve been doing this for years, even if there’s a thrill running through both of them. Since Geordi’s known for a while and Will knows, too, they agreed it would appropriate to openly show some affection during this week’s poker game.

Will’s grin is too big to miss and Geordi breaks into a broad smile, all of them anxiously focused on the reaction of their Klingon friend. Worf looks confused from one woman to the other and struggles to find words. “What? Are you…? Since when – but – how? I thought.. is this –” He keeps stumbling and Beverly exchanges a look with Deanna, clearly trying to suppress a giggle fit.

“I believe what Worf is trying to ask,” Will interrupts in an amused tone, “is whether the two of you are in a relationship.”

“Yes, Worf, Beverly and I are a couple now,” Deanna replies diplomatically, because Beverly has lost the fight against her laughter. “Is there anything you would like to ask about that?”

He looks around the room, doubtful for a moment, then sighs. “No, not at all. I am happy for you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Geordi chimes in. “And I’m happy I don’t have to keep it to myself any longer.”

Will’s head snaps to Geordi’s direction. “You knew?!”

Beverly snorts again and Deanna keeps observing Worf’s reactions with amusement while Geordi explains. “Yeah, about two months ago, Data overheard, um, something, and he asked me what it meant. I wasn’t sure, but the most logical conclusion was that erm, you two were…”

“We were having sex,” Deanna clarifies casually. Worf looks increasingly uncomfortable and takes a quick sip of his prune juice to hide his embarrassment. It’s clear he cares a lot about them – he’s just unfamiliar with Betazoid mating practices and propriety.

“But I thought that – that you and Commander Riker were… mates,” Worf mutters.

“That was a long time ago,” Will says, “all I want now is for Deanna to be happy. And if there’s anyone who’s up to that task, it’s Beverly.” The wave of affection accompanying that statement makes Deanna smile – he’s doing it just for her to sense, to show how much he means it. Maybe she’s underestimated him after all.

“You do make me very happy,” Deanna muses in agreement, and Beverly blushes.

“You make me very happy too,” she says softly. Deanna pushes a lock of stray hair behind Beverly’s ear and can’t resist a quick kiss. _You’re so beautiful_ , she thinks, even though Beverly can’t hear her yet.

“Gross,” Geordi says, but there’s a big, loving smile on his face and they all know he’s only joking. Will grins, too comfortable with these people to hide his enjoyment, and starts to deal.

*

Beverly’s walking down an endless hallway, so familiar to her by now that she knows the patterns on the floor and the exact angle of the wall where it curves into the ceiling. Jean-Luc is by her side, holding her hand. The echoing sound of their footsteps fills her ears. She knows exactly how many steps she has to take before they turn, how many more until they reach their destination; and still, she can’t seem to stop walking.

The shape that she discerns on the table is eerily familiar, but she feels numb and indifferent to it until Jean-Luc folds the sheet away. She gasps and her stomach drops and then she’s chasing after her breath and furiously trying to blink away the image behind her eyes.

The bed shifts, Deanna stirs next to her and rolls over to wrap herself around her. “I’m here,” she whispers, and Beverly starts to cry, her heart still racing. “Shh, I’m here, it was just a dream.” Deanna’s voice is calm and soothing even though it’s a little shaky, but it doesn’t stop the cold shivers running down her spine. The nightmare returns every few weeks, but it’s always been Jack on the table in the morgue, never anyone else. Seeing Deanna there shocked her awake.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Deanna murmurs and grabs her hand.

She places Deanna’s hand close to her heart and strokes her fingers. “You go on away missions too.”

“And I’ll come back.”

“What if you don’t?”

“Beverly…”

“I’m scared, Deanna.”

“I know. I’m scared too.”

“I love you too much.” Beverly kisses Deanna’s hair and her nose stays there, breathing in the familiar, soothing smell. It feels unfair, she thinks, now that the pieces are finally settling into place in a way that she doesn’t worry about loose ends anymore, that her subconscious comes to haunt her and make her doubt.

“There’s no such thing.”

Beverly pulls back, lifts Deanna’s chin with her finger and kisses her. “I do, though,” she whispers against her lips. “I love you so much it hurts sometimes.”

“I know that feeling,” Deanna whispers, and then there’s love wrapped around her like a warm blanket, the familiar feeling she knows so well by now. “Try to sleep. I’ll help you.” The stormy waves in her mind slowly stop crashing into her and start to calm, and Deanna’s presence in her mind, although she can’t really discern it yet, feels like a part of a physical hug that she’d always missed before they had this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on some other projects at the moment, so next chapter will have to wait a week or two, but it's definitely coming! X


	13. Connecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been SO long, I'm so sorry! I've been very busy with the newest addition to our family (a senior cat who demands a lot of attention, both in the good and the bad way) and binge-watching The X Files to see what all the fuss was about. Conclusion: it's very hard to write about two characters if your brain is preoccupied with a show that they're not in.  
> That said, your continued support means a lot to me, and I hope this chapter helps to get my mojo back, because I still have so much material that I want to (edit and) share with you. Thank you all so much for sticking with me and (re-)reading! Love <3

“Sit down and have a drink with me?”

Geordi looks sceptical. “I should be going to bed, I have an early shift tomorrow.”

“One drink, I promise.” Geordi frowns. “Please, Geordi, I can’t girl talk with Beverly about my relationships any more now that she _is_ my relationships! Besides, I’m sure you have some good gossip to share, too,” Deanna says. When Geordi flashes her a sceptical look, the corner of her mouth crooks upward in a conspiratorial smile. “I need a friend, someone who’s not Will.”

“Oh, so I’m not even second choice, then?” Geordi sighs in mock-exasperation and takes a seat next to her. “Alright. What’s on your mind?”

“Tell me about your date with Data.”

Geordi nods slowly, starting to understand that Deanna isn’t necessarily the only one needing a friend and he’s falling for her counsellor-tricks again. “I don’t know what to think of it.” Deanna encourages him with a patient smile. “It was nice, and I think he’s making progress dealing with his ‘emotions’, but it felt a bit like any other time we hang out.”

She swallows a remark to stop herself from putting the words into his mouth and carefully rephrases. “Do you want it to be different?”

“Not different, just… maybe I want it to go a little faster.”

“Patience may be the hardest thing about being in love.” She tests those words on her tongue, _being in love_ , and watches Geordi’s reaction. He confirms her suspicions with a flutter of his heart, some minuscule changes in his posture, a slight tension here and there, a barely noticeable flush in his cheeks. She gives herself a pat on the back for being so good at reading people without using her empathy.

He doesn’t confirm or deny her remark, but he must know that she sees through him. Still, he deflects. “I seem to recall you struggling a lot with patience, too. Do you have any advice?”

Deanna ponders this for a moment – in some ways, she did, but in others, it had all gone so fast. “It’s different. I knew she was attracted to me for a long time before our first official date, and I think she knew I felt the same, but I didn’t want to make a move, because she needed some time to be okay with those feelings. So when she asked me to have a fancy dinner with her, I knew she had accepted it. It was so romantic, she had taken care of everything, beautiful seaside restaurant, candlelight, real wine, and she looked _so beautiful_ –”

“That was when I ran into you, right? You both looked beautiful,” Geordi interrupts.

Deanna smiles in thanks. “So after dinner, I told her that I’m in love with her, and she said she felt the same, and we took a walk in the arboretum where we kissed for the first time. Then, neither of us wanted it to be over, so she came back to my quarters and spent the night. The rest is history.”

“So when Data heard you scream...”

“Yeah. That was our first time. But don’t tell him that, because he’ll have a thousand more questions.”

“I won’t.”

“So I guess it went fast if you count that as our first date, but you know we’ve been close friends for years, I think we just grew into it and that date was more like confirmation of something that already existed than a catalyst to start something new.” A breath that she’d been holding finally escapes.

“That’s true, if someone who didn’t know you had met you a few weeks ago and you’d told them that you two had been married for two years, they would have believed it.”

“You really think that?”

“Yeah.”

She can’t suppress a smile. “I think it’s true. We’ve been a unit for a long time, but now we’ve added a romantic dimension to it. And the sex!” She lowers her voice conspiratorially and Geordi frowns, already awkwardly distancing himself from what’s coming. “I don’t usually scream so loud people can hear it in the corridor, but all of that tension finally resolved... I mean, Geordi, I grew up on Betazed, I thought I knew a thing or two about being in tune with your partner, but with her... She reads my body so effortlessly, it’s like we’ve been doing this for all our lives, as if she knows me through and through already. I’m starting to suspect that she’s secretly Betazoid too.”

“Okay. I don’t think I needed to know that.”

“Oh, don’t be a baby.”

Geordi purses his lips before daring to make eye-contact again. “She is a doctor, maybe that’s got something to do with it?”

“I think she just knows me better than anyone.”

“So when’s the wedding?”

“ _Geordi!_ ” He laughs and holds his hands up as she glares at him. “Honestly? I think it’s just a matter of time. We need some time to adjust to this, to make room for it in our lives, and there are some people we need to talk to before they hear it through the gossip channels. But when everything’s out in the open... I don’t think either of us sees this change. It’s like something clicked and we belong together – we’ve just spent five years growing towards that. I’m sure there will be a wedding at some point, though I think that’s going to be difficult for her because of Jack, so it might take a while. But that’s okay. We’ve got the rest of our lives to spend together, whether or not that’s with a ring doesn’t matter much. To me, anyway. You should hear my mother...” _Oh, dear. Stop rambling about the future._

“Have you told her already?”

“Gods, no. She would expect grandchildren immediately. Of course we need an heir to the Holy Rings, et cetera, so she’ll probably start about Betazoid sperm donors and all that.”

Geordi hums. “Sounds like your mother’s next visit should be even more interesting than usual.”

“Oh, please, don’t remind me.” Deanna sighs and downs the rest of her hot chocolate. “No, Wesley, the captain, Will, you and Data are the only ones who know at the moment. I don’t really know how to break big news to her. We don’t normally talk over subspace, and if we’re in the same room, she usually plucks it out of my mind before I can even worry about phrasing.” She doesn’t normally miss her mother’s directness, but it would be practical in this case.

“Well, then maybe you should just blurt it out.”

*

The sound of a commlink startles Beverly and she sits up in Deanna’s seat on the Bridge, nervously fidgeting with her fingers and staring at the screen.

“O’Brien to Bridge, I think we’ve got a lock on them, Sir. I’m just not sure I can get all three of them in with these fluctuations. We might have to go one by one.”

The Captain nods. “Well, we’ll have to go for it, O’Brien. Beam them up.”

Beverly clenches her hands around the armrests of her chair, frightened in case Deanna would be unable to come back to the Enterprise. She can’t handle the thought, yet it’s the only thing on her mind.

“We’ve got them, Sir.” O’Brien’s voice makes Beverly let out an audible sigh of relief. The Captain looks over to his side, concerned, and thanks O’Brien.

When the away team steps out of the turbolift, Beverly practically runs up to Deanna to wrap her arms around her. “Deanna! Are you OK? I was so worried about you, and when we lost communication…” she whispers.

“I’m OK, Bev. Everything’s OK. I’m here.”

Deanna sinks into her arms and for a moment, it seems that everything around them has disappeared, but the sound of the Captain clearing his throat broke that illusion. “Glad to have you back, Counsellor. Doctor, could I speak with you in my ready room?”

Beverly’s cheeks flush red and she nods while she lets go of Deanna with another squeeze of her fingers.

“Beverly, you’re not usually one to break promises, especially not so shortly after you make them,” he starts, a little amused at the reference to her earlier promise that there would be no displays of affection on the Bridge.

“I’m sorry, Captain, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. It’s just…” she hesitates for a moment and stares at her shoes. “This was the first time she went on an away mission. It suddenly reminded me of Jack. Those memories kind of… overwhelmed me, and I got really scared.”

The Captain inspects her for a moment and then nods in understanding. “It’s OK, Beverly. I know this must be difficult for you. You will get used to it.” Beverly smiles in thanks and turns to leave when he stops her. “And Beverly?” She turns. “I guess I was also a little taken aback by my own feelings. Seeing the two of you together with such genuine care and love, it all caught up to me that this is really serious. And that it’s the right thing for you.”

Beverly blinks in surprise. The Captain is usually not one to discuss his feelings, especially not his romantic feelings towards her. “Jean-Luc, I’m so sorry, it must hurt you to see this,” she answers, hesitantly.

“No, no, it’s quite alright,” he smiles. “In fact, I feel calmer now that I know for sure how well you two fit together. It’s… it’s starting to close the chapter for me.”

Probably sensing her upcoming need to comfort him with a hug, he waves her off and she leaves with a quick nod. When she returns to the Bridge, Deanna has taken her seat again and looks at her with a hint of concern. “Everything OK?”

“Yes, just a personal matter.” Beverly sits down at the bench next to Deanna and gives her a meaningful smile. “We’ll talk later. For now, I’m just happy you’re safe.”

*

They’re sitting opposite each other, crossed-legged on the bed. “Put your hands together like this,” Deanna demonstrates, “and close your eyes. Now, take a deep breath in... and out again. Focus on where your fingers meet.”

Beverly takes a few more deep breaths to really sink into her concentration. Deanna’s hands wrap around hers – warm, soft, familiar, thrilling. She tries not to get distracted by the butterflies. Another breath.

“Focus on the warmth that my hands give yours, not on the hands themselves, but on what they make your hands feel.” Beverly sighs contently – it’s a nice, comfortable feeling. “Good. Now that warmth is wrapping around your whole body. I’m showing you the way I feel about you, I’ve let you sense this before. Focus on that.”

It’s true, she’s sensed this before, even started to become used to it, but that doesn’t make it any less amazing. It’s not just the comfortable warmth that her hands radiate; it’s also a raw, honest, vulnerable kind of love, commitment, passion, all in a calm whirlwind of confidence that this is right. She feels her cheeks straining – she can’t stop smiling.

“Now, try to focus on my voice, not in your ears, but where you hear it in your mind. I’ll keep talking. I’m projecting how I feel about you, trying to alert your senses to that kind of connection. I hope you’re becoming familiar with sensing me. You’re such a familiar presence to me already, I can barely remember how it felt to get used to that, but it probably feels like you have to get to know me anew. Focus on me in in your mind.”

Deanna’s voice soothes her, even more than it normally does. She’s not quite sure how to hear with her mind instead of her ears, but she tries. She’s aware of Deanna’s presence in front of her, but also around her and – possibly, or she’s imagining it – in her mind.

“Try to say something. Just think it loudly.”

She doesn’t know how to think loudly, but she tries to let a thought form in her mind. _Can you hear me?_

_Yes._

Beverly’s heart flutters and her breath hitches at the intimacy of this. It’s as if she hears a thought in her mind, except it isn’t her thought and it’s Deanna’s voice. _I can hear you too._

_Weird, isn’t it?_

_It tickles._

Deanna chuckles. _I know. You’ll get used to it._

_It feels nice. I like having you here._

_I like it too._

_So does this mean you can hear all my dirty thoughts?_

Deanna chuckles again, and it reverberates in Beverly’s mind. _I won’t be in your mind all the time. You’d get a headache. But you can always reach out to me._

 _Okay. I love you, you know._ Beverly tries to project that feeling through the thread that runs between them, and in answer, she feels another wave of it rush through her mind.

_I know. I love you too, I hope you feel that._

_I do._

_I’m going to go now. Just breathe and open your eyes._

Beverly takes a deep breath and feels lonely, suddenly, a cold shiver running through her back. She looks up and Deanna is there, but she feels further away and she needs to be closer. Their eyes meet and Deanna pulls her into an embrace, wraps around her. “You feel so far away now,” she whispers into the crook of Deanna’s neck.

“I know. I’m here.” Deanna massages the base of her skull and kisses her temple. “I won’t go. But you have to practise, otherwise you’ll be overwhelmed.”

“I know.”

*

“Little One! I sure hope you have some important news, otherwise why would you be wasting your time with videocalls? I don’t like them one bit.”

“I don’t like them either, mother, but I wanted to tell you something before you hear it from someone else.”

Lwaxana leans back with a suspicious frown. “Tell me – is my daughter finally getting married?”

Deanna sighs and rolls her eyes. “Can’t you ever take it one step at a time, mother?” Lwaxana shrugs. “I’m not getting married – yet. But I am in a serious relationship.”

“Really? Did you and that red-headed doctor finally admit you’ve been in love with each other for years?”

“Her name is Beverly.” Deanna raises an eyebrow when the rest of the remark registers. “Years?”

“Well, don’t deny it, Little One.”

“I’m not sure when it shifted from friendship to romance, but I wouldn’t say it’s been years.”

“Deanna, you’ve been around humans for far too long. There’s no line between friendship and romance you have to cross, there’s just a new dimension you’ve added to your relationship. If you’d both been Betazoids, you’d have done that years ago.”

“Mother! Can’t you for once just be happy for me? It’s not that easy for her, she’s been married before and her husband died while she still had to raise their son alone. You might not see it that way, but for her, crossing over from friendship into romance is a big and risky step.”

“Sounds like she and I have that in common at least.”

Deanna sighs and rubs her face before looking back at the monitor. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, darling. I am truly happy for you. Sometimes I forget how much better you are with humans, how much more patient and respectful.” Deanna smiles. “So, have you started practising telepathy with her yet?”

“Yes, we tried that exercise you used to do with me where you start from the hands. She’s good, you know. She’s been able to sense what I’m projecting for a while now and I could sometimes hear her thoughts if she was thinking really loudly.”

“Oh, that’s good, my dear. Keep practising and maybe she’ll be as good as your father. You should try the through the wall exercise next. When are you bringing her to Betazed?”

Deanna pinches the bridge of her nose. “Soon, mother. We’ll come visit soon.”

“Good, good. Well, I’m glad you’re not with that William anymore. He doesn’t deserve you.”

She sighs and deliberates for a moment whether or not to waste her energy on calling out every insult. A quick cost-benefit analysis reveals she’d better swallow and move on. “And Beverly does?”

Lwaxana just smiles softly. “She’s kind, clever, honest, charming, gorgeous, caring, not afraid to say what she thinks, a great doctor – too bad she’s not a Betazoid, but ah well, you’ll need a donor anyway, so that’s not an issue.” Deanna glares; how is it possible that her mother always turns a compliment into an insult within one sentence? “I’ve seen the way she looks at you, my dear. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is. I’d trust her with your life – and you can ask her how much it takes for a mother to say something like that.”

Suddenly, Deanna can’t suppress a smile; it’s rare, but Lwaxana can be a loving mother, and sometimes, she just knows what to say when. “Thank you, mother. I know that means a lot.”

Lwaxana smiles and nods. “Oh, and Deanna darling, give my regards to Guinan, would you? Tell her it’s time for some of that special brandy – she’ll know what it’s about.”

“ _Mother_ ,” Deanna says with a pointed look, “did you make a bet on when we’d get together?”

“Oops, gotta go, darling, speak to you soon! Say ‘hi’ to my daughter-in-law for me, will you?”

The commlink breaks off before Deanna can close her mouth again. “Yeah, of course, goodbye, mother,” she mumbles at the Starfleet logo on her screen.


End file.
